“I’ve always liked women with curves,” on a regular day, this comment from a stranger would still send icky shivers up my spine, but what makes it even worse is when I am powerless to even respond with distaste, sass, or rejection. In other words, stop hitting on women without an invitation--especially if they are being paid to be nice to you.
Just to be infinitely clear, since I’m currently off the clock, let’s break it down.
When we’re at work, we’re being paid to act a certain way. It’s part of our job description to smile, act friendly, and maintain a professional and welcoming demeanor when interacting with customers.
In general, compliments to someone that you don’t have an established close romantic or sexual relationship with shouldn’t be sexual or suggestive in nature. Compliments about “What a unique name!”, “You were so helpful today!”, or “Love your hair!” are all, in my experience, inoffensive and usually brighten my day. In no way do I want people to start being cold and clinical with sales associates, but consider how they’ll be received.
But if one makes unwelcome comments to someone trapped in their retail or service job, when they’re being paid and required to be a certain way, they can’t do anything about it. They can’t reject you. The power is imbalanced on the customer’s side. It’s rude and threatening to be stuck in a smiling persona when someone makes the back of my neck prickle.
Now, even if you’re being “nice” in your compliments and genuinely trying to create a bond, tread carefully. The same rules apply. Wait until they’re off the clock so they can respond to you as an equal, not as an employee.
Now, if there’s a cute barista and you want to leave your phone number and let them decide later, go for it. Do anything you can to put the power you hold as a customer, back on the other side of the scale and even things out.
So seriously, knock it off. No employee can entirely act like themselves if they want to protect their job and the power is displaced, and no relationship is built solidly on unequal ground.
