Self Love Is So Important

Self Love Is So Important

Give society a hair flip and move on hunny, life is too short to care what others think.

Self-love is a very basic principle but yet there are so many people who do not practice or feel it. You were put on this earth for a reason, even though there may be many different beliefs regarding that concept, you are you, and that's all you've got.

You only have one life with only one body - the body that you have, the brain that you have, the smile that only you have. When you look in the mirror you will see what you are but not exactly who you are. Focus on who you are and loving the person that you give to the world, then focus on what you see. You need to love the inner being of yourself first before you can even start to focus on the outside.

Everyone is so different in so many ways. You are one of a kind. You are unique. Yes, society may not approve of your uniqueness, but who really cares?

Give society a hair flip and move on honey because life is too short to care what others think.

In order to have self-love, you must be confident. You must be confident in yourself and your ability to do anything you set your mind to. The world and the people in it are beautiful and we have so many resources to do whatever we put our minds to. The only thing stopping you in life is you.

Don't talk yourself out of things and don't have self-doubt. There are times when life throws things at us, but that is when self-love should kick in and be the strongest. If you love yourself, you will always get back up from any downfall that life throws at you.

Today, tomorrow and next year you will still be you. As long as you are you, that will always be enough.

Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

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What's Your 'Why'?

If you can't yet find your goals, first, find your 'why'

The thing that drives you. The reason behind your ambition. The thing that catapults you (or in my case, not a morning person, slowly drags, but drags nevertheless) out of bed each morning. Your why. Whether or not we realize it, there is a why behind everything we do and there are ways in which to increase the motivational capacity of our "why's".

My junior year of high school, in my English class, we examined how rhetorical strategies in literature, advertising, etc. all employ a motivating force. John Lennon once identified the two main motivating forces in a human's life as fear and love. When we are afraid of something, we draw back out of a desire to avoid the very thing with which we fear coming into contact. When we are motivated out of love or rather, passion or concern, we are motivated to action rather than inaction.

I've found myself in the middle of quite the paradox regarding my personal, general, overarching "why". I so badly want my decisions to be motivated by love, by ambition, by the selfless care of others, by passion, that I fear of making decisions out of fear. Ironic, right?

Here's my reason behind why I'm wary of making my decisions out of fear: I'm talking about the big decisions, not things like, I'm afraid if I take the 2 train after 1 am, I'll get mugged, so I avoid the 2 train. That decision is COMPLETELY motivated by fear and that's not a bad thing. Seriously, people, if you're ever in New York, avoid the 2. BUT, ANYWAY, as I was saying, my reason behind why I'm wary of making my decisions out of fear is because fear is crippling. It is paralyzing. Fear prohibits you from moving forward to whatever it is that rests ahead. Inaction is the enemy of ambition. Inaction is the opposite of pursuit. And I want the things in my life, my goals, my opportunities, the people I love, to be held close to me because of my conscious decision to include them in the fold of what I hold most dear. I want the things and people that bring me the most joy to be avidly under my pursuit, not just remaining in my life by happenstance.

So I guess you could say that my "why" is the constant pursuit of intentionality behind my endeavors, but most importantly the pursuit of intentionality in my relationships with my people. I want to glean the most out of my hobbies and pastimes and passions by pursuing them fervently, and in turn, hopefully bettering myself for how much of my heart and soul I invest into these things. I want the people I love to not only hear and know that I love them but to feel that I love them because of the value I place on really knowing and caring for their hearts and everything about them that is intrinsic to who they are.

Without a "why", you can't get very far. Motivating force to a person is as gasoline is to a car. Your "why" catapults you toward your goal. It is what you have within your reach, even while your goal may still seem out of reach. It is what you are able to cling to, on the days when you feel in a rut, desolate, without hope, and as though giving up would be the easier and better option. And while, in the moment, giving up might in fact be easier, it won't get your toward your goal; it won't satisfy your why.

I know in times in my life where I've had a hard time defining and establishing end goals for myself, I have first tried to define and establish why it is that I want to end up achieving that certain goal, and once I've found my motivating force for why I'm doing what I'm doing, I've found that it's much easier to get from point A to point B. If you can't yet find your goals, first, find your why.

We all have a "why", even if we don't know it. What's yours?

Cover Image Credit: Photo by ben o'bro on Unsplash

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Comparison Is The Thief Of All Joy, And It Was Also The Fuel For My Eating Disorder

I thought I had to change myself to be like those people I saw on social media because society values those who are perfect.

When I say “eating disorder,” I know what you’re picturing -- skipping meals, binging and purging, and extreme restriction. But we often don’t recognize how eating disorders come in so many different shapes, sizes and forms.

I told myself I was just eating healthy. By eating “healthy,” I had limited myself to good foods and bad foods.

But it didn’t stop there. Eating “healthy” led to deprivation. A not-so-fun game of “how long can I go without eating?” I still can’t believe the amount of pride I felt each time that got longer.

And as time went on that “bad foods” list kept on growing and growing as the “good foods” shrunk to nothing.

I had the nutrition label of every food known to man memorized. I was a sort of human calculator for calorie count, as well as the grams of protein, fat, carbs, sugar, etc. I could tell you a running total of exactly how many calories I had eaten at any given point of the day, but somehow, I still couldn’t get an A on my math test.

I didn’t really think about much else other than food.

I was depressed, deprived and disgustingly proud.

I thought I had to change myself to be like those people I saw on social media. Because society values those who are skinny, perfect, healthy, and fit.

We throw around phrases like “Look at what I ate, I’m so fat,” “It’s fine, I’ll work it off in the gym tomorrow,” and “I ate so much today, I just won’t eat tomorrow.” Thank you society for making my eating disorder normal.

You probably didn’t notice me hide my ear-to-ear grin when you commented,

“Kylie, you look SO skinny,”

“Wow, you’re so tiny,” and

“Man, you barely eat anything.”

*my eating disorder took a bow*

My desperate mind mistook those for compliments.

It was as if I was looking into a carnival mirror all the time. I thought I looked normal. Yeah, eating disorders play you like that.

The worst part is that it never really goes away. Our world is so ingrained with those emotional triggers for old habits. It is so easy to find normalcy in self-hate and restrictive eating because that’s how our society is.

It’s been a long journey, but I can finally say I’m happy and at a healthy weight. My eating disorder still rears its head with those ugly thoughts from time-to-time, and I still fall victim to comparison. But it does get BETTER. I no longer count calories. I don’t compartmentalize my eating, and I don’t’ have to look to social media and the comments of others to define me.

Cover Image Credit: Kylie Hofmeister

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