Most people, and when I say most people I mean just about everyone you come in contact with, just judge you based on the outside and your looks without even knowing your story. It really gets to me knowing that people just walk around, I guess you could say judging "books" by their covers, because we don't have a clue what their home lives are like. We are all humans, we just all have different stories to tell!
I am going to tell you about my story now. It all started right before I moved. It had to do with the move - I didn't want to leave all my old friends and have to make new ones. When I first moved, I felt so alone, like I had no one to talk to. I had left my best friend to go to this new school where I knew nobody at all. Anywhere I looked, it was like I was being judged for being the "new girl." Being the new girl in school was hard because no one wants to be friends with the new girl because they are scared you are going to be weird.
Being the new girl was the worst thing ever; it made me feel so alone. Eventually, I got over being the new girl and I started making some friends. As time went on, though, it started to feel like I was all alone again... Like I had no one to turn to and talk to anymore. It almost felt like no one wanted me around, and it was the worst feeling in the world. It was also hard because I have never been a skinny friend, I have always been the bigger girl of the group and it's really upsetting. This all made me so upset; I didn't think I was worth anything and that I didn't matter to anyone. I felt so worthless.
Some days were definitely harder to deal with than others. I don't know why, but it actually sucked. There have been days where I was so upset with just the way life was going for me at the time that I thought dying was my only option. I felt like no one cared about me anyway and that they wouldn't care if I just disappeared or just went to bed and didn't ever get back up.
Things eventually started to get better! I started to figure out my self-worth. I started to realize that I had so much potential and so many people care about me. I knew I had a reason to be here! Then things took a turn, something happened to me that I didn't know how to handle. I still to this day don't know why it happened, or why nothing was done about it. I have, since the work-related incident, become stronger than I thought I ever would have.
I am so very thankful for the people that helped me through this hard time in my life. Without them, I don't honestly know if I would be here today telling you all about my story. Although, I know for a fact I drove you two crazy just babbling about basically the same things over and over again. You both understood me, though, and were always right there when I needed you most. You always knew the right things to say to me and help me relax. So, with all that being said, I want to thank you both for all your love and support.
To this day I have some daily struggles with myself. I do not think dying is the only option though; I have learned to deal with it all. Some days are still hard, though, because I get so down on myself and I still sometimes feel like I have no one to turn to, which I know for a fact isn't true. I have the best friends and family ever to turn to!
