Learning And Embracing Self-Love Saved Me From Myself
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

Learning And Embracing Self-Love Saved Me From Myself

I am not ashamed of who I was, because I am proud of who I have become.

Learning And Embracing Self-Love Saved Me From Myself
Gina Rodriguez

A lot of people look at me and they see a strong-willed, put-together, and driven young woman who knows what she wants in life. But there’s one secret those people do not know: I have spent the last 22 years of my life creating that illusion and desperately trying to keep up with it.

I wasn’t always this girl. I used to be in a really dark place, and sometimes I still am.

There have been times in my life where nothing made sense. Nothing felt okay.

There were times when I was not okay.

When I look back on who I was just a few short years ago, compared to who I am today, I realize just how bad things had gotten at one point. My life hasn’t always been bad looking in from the outside, but internally I was deteriorating.

I was drowning and no one else could save me, not even myself.

I was killing myself, but not in a literal sense. I was killing myself on the inside. I was depriving myself of things I needed to survive, the most important being love.

I allowed people into my life who destroyed me, who tore apart my self-confidence and my ability to believe in myself. I allowed people to treat me like sh*t. I allowed others to hurt me, but more importantly, I was allowing me to hurt myself.

And I made excuses for everyone, including myself.

No one could love me because I was unlovable.

No one could care about me because I was unworthy.

Everyone who had hurt me had been right, because in the end, I wasn’t good enough.

For years this was the narrative that played out in my head. These were the things I thought about others. These were the things I thought about myself. And I continued to compare myself to others. I told myself that I deserved the awful things I allowed people to do to me, and in return, I did awful things to myself.

I struggled with addiction, whether it was controlling what I ate, or self-harming, or drinking. There were days when I just wanted it all to go away. Sometimes I begged God to end it all because I thought things would always be this way.

Then one day I realized that it wasn’t other people who were making me feel this way. I was allowing myself to feel this way.

I let other people control me, for years. I let the actions of others dictate my self-worth and how I viewed the world. Instead of seeing all the things I should love about myself, I chose to see all the things I hated about myself. Instead of recognizing all the accomplishments I made and struggles I had overcome, I dwelled on the things I had failed at. I looked for any reason to justify why I wasn’t good enough, instead of believing in all the reasons why I was.

And for a long time, I hated myself for this. Because I knew I was allowing myself to crumble, to fall deeper and deeper into a hole I never thought I would get out of. But one day I woke up and decided that I was right all along- I didn’t want to exist.

I wanted to live.

It’s easy to get lost in the what-ifs and should-haves of life. I could easily regret my past for the rest of my life and the person that I was. But I refuse to let myself dwell on the past anymore. I am not ashamed of who I was, because I am proud of who I have become.

I am grateful that I went through some of the hardest and darkest times of my life, because it was in those times that I learned how to be my own light.

And I have never shined brighter.

I don’t need anyone else to carry me through the hardships, because I push myself. I don’t rely on others for happiness and acceptance, because I have found it within myself. Losing everything I had was not the easiest journey, but I gained more than I could have ever asked for in the end. It tested me in ways that I could have never imaged and showed that I was stronger than I could have ever been.

No, I don’t love everything about myself. I still struggle sometimes, whether it be with appearance, how I see myself and my weaknesses, etc. But it has been through my hardships that I have learned to love myself in spite of all those things.

This not only changed my life for the better, it made me who I am today. Standing on the other side of the mountain, I can finally say- it was loving myself that saved myself.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Theories Of Motivation

Some things other than coffee to motivate you

Theories Of Motivation
Motivation refers to the psychological processes that drive and direct behavior towards achieving goals. Several theories of motivation have been proposed by psychologists and researchers over the years. These theories attempt to explain why individuals are motivated to act in certain ways and what factors influence their behavior. Here is an overview of some prominent theories of motivation:
Keep Reading...Show less

Writer of the Month: Emily Templeton

Get to know Miami University alumni and top creator Emily Templeton!

Writer of the Month: Emily Templeton

The talented team of response writers make our world at Odyssey go round! Using our response button feature, they carry out our mission of sparking positive, productive conversations in a polarized world.

Keep Reading...Show less
Content Inspiration

Top 3 Response Articles of This Week!

Do you know what's trending this week?

Top 3 Response Articles of This Week!

Happy Memorial Day from Odyssey! We're excited to welcome in the summer season with our creator community. Each week, more writers are joining Odyssey while school's on break- and you could, too! Check out the bottom of the article to learn how.

Here are the top three response articles of last week:

Keep Reading...Show less
We Need More Than Memorials this Memorial Day
Cape Cod Irish

When I was a child, I used to look forward to Memorial Day Weekend from the time I returned to school after Christmas vacation. It was the yearly benchmark announcing the end of the school year and the beginning of summer vacation. It meant I was one step closer to regattas, swim meets and tennis matches.

Keep Reading...Show less

5 fun Summer Vacations that won't break your bank

Enjoy the sun, relax the wallet - here are the estimated costs

5 fun Summer Vacations that won't break your bank
Endless Ocean
We compiled the costs related to 5 enriching summer vacations for this year in the thrifty sense:
Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments