I see you, six months ago me. Casually eating seven servings of pretzels and throwing away those three miles you just ran at the gym. You're most likely sitting in that black dress that you've tried on a million times, hoping it'll magically fit because you ate a "healthy" cliff bar. Today, you probably wore baggy clothing so people wouldn't see your "disgusting" body and ate an extra bowl of granola because how much harm can it honestly do?
You're about 166 lbs. and constantly feeling sluggish, you're self-conscious when walking out your dorm room in fear of running into anyone who may notice you have gained a few pounds, and you have NO self-confidence when walking through campus, and I'm sorry I didn't have a realization about what I'm going to tell you sooner.
I hope you soon realize self-hatred is not a healthy way to live.
Loving yourself is going to be a challenge, a challenge many people come face to face with every day. But I'm here to help you flip your way of thinking towards eating better and doing an extra set of crunches at the gym. I pinky promise this will put you one step closer to your goal of self-love, but only if you keep working your ass off even when you're at the gym at 6 am.
In six months time (yes, it will take that long) you are going to start falling in love with yourself. But only IF you eat less processed foods and start using weights. You're going to start seeing your clothes fit better and you won't get anxious when passing a mirror or trying on items of clothing (yes, you'll even buy shorts *gasp*).
You're going to walk into American Eagle and try on jeans two sizes smaller than you wear now. It's okay to start crying in the dressing room because you'll finally feel confident when slipping on skinny, high waisted jeans. Let it out, you deserve this.
I mean, holy sh*t you deserve to finally love yourself after all these years of negative thoughts.
My love you're going to look in the mirror before your daily workout and think "I love who I am, and it's all because I didn't give up."
All because you worked your ass off for something your body was craving. A craving of nutritious food and "scary" weights (yes, you're going to get a damn grip and squat that 50lb dumbbell in front of strangers #getoverit).
Also, that dress you're wearing right now is not going to fit you in six months, just FYI. You'll be able to give it away and find an even nicer one that doesn't bring back awful memories full of self-hatred and wishing to be someone else.
The self-love you wish to find is already there, you just needed this kickstart to get her out of the shell.
Now go and conquer this challenging goal. Because before you know it, you'll be crying in that dressing room and remembering this letter. You've got this girl.
Your future 138lb self.