"i was cutting myself because:
1. I deserved it
2. I needed physical proof for what's going on in my head
3. I needed the physical pain as a distraction
4. To get revenge on the person who hurt me
Those are the reasons why i did it..."
-Anonymous
What Is It
For a great deal of teens, self-harming is an everyday struggle. I can't tell you how many people do it. Each website states different facts, but they always conclude that the numbers are rising. I could give you the statistics to prove it is happening or that it really is increasing. But all you need to do is visit a high school. Take time out of your day to explore a college, even stop by a middle school. It's there now too, but not on the surface. You have to open your eyes to see the panic and pain flowing through the halls, and feel it as students pass. It's everywhere around you.
"I remember seeing cuts on the arms of some of my friends in high school. It was easy to learn which friends did it, and there would be a time when their arms were perfect again and I would forget what they had done. But then they'd randomly show up and I'd catch a glimpse of more cuts and it would be difficult to tear my eyes away. I was afraid of blood and needles, but if they could do it and it was working then why couldn't I?... Well, that's how I learned it was an option for me and where to do it. It was just a fact of life in high school. People cut. Everyone cut." - Anonymous
An estimated 40 percent of teens and young adults have indulged in self-harm at least once. As many as one in 10 people have self-harmed. Unfortunately, this can mean many things, some of which do not seem very threatening. Starving. Burning. Sex. Hitting. Isolation. Cutting. But why? The most common reaction is to question how self-harm helps those who do it. These actions cause more pain, so how could that make sense? What drives a person to a point so low they cause themselves pain intentionally?
"I felt like I was a piece of sh*t and I deserved to. I did it because it gave me a sense of purpose. I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere or that I even deserved to. I wanted to die, but I didn't want to hurt the people I loved. So I went to the next best thing, which was hurting myself physically. I got to a point where I didn't even like the pain. I just liked the blood. I became addicted to it and if I didn't do it, it would just make me depressed. Even more so than I already was." - Devin
Most people who self-harm keep it secret, which is why the statistics are so varied. Yes, it hurts, that is the point, but assuming that we do it to get attention is the wrong idea. Educating yourself and being aware of self-harming is important in order to help those around you.
"I lived in an abusive home, so when I became angry, I cut. It was the only thing I could do. It was desperation. I think I'm unusual in this aspect. Most people don't cut out of anger. And as for other forms of self harm, they had all had different emotions and experiences pushing me to commit them. With sex, it was self doubt, and with starvation, it was sadness and loneliness. These things did almost help at the time. Especially cutting and starvation. They calmed me down before I did something reckless and was punished. But it was never enough..." - Sean
What To Remember
Always be observant towards the people around you, especially those who have expressed issues with mental illnesses such as Anxiety and Depression. The important thing to remember is that this behavior escalates. Chances are high that if a person self-harms once, they are likely to do it again and more severely as they repeat the behavior. The more a person is self-harming, the harder it will be to hide from family and friends.
"Cutting wasn't my first reaction, I tried multiple other things before I resorted to cutting. I drew, I wrote, I tried exercising, but nothing seemed to help, so finally one day I was online and I had seen things about cutting in the past, but never really thought about doing it myself. It started out slow. I just kinda used push pins in the beginning and then slowly but surely, before I even knew it, I was landing myself in a hospital needing stitches and that's the point where I realized I needed to reevaluate my life. It definitely was not the first response to my depression and anxiety." - Devin
Eventually you are bound to notice what is happening. Maybe the person is wearing long-sleeved shirts all the time. Maybe the person is slowly isolating themselves by cutting off their friendships. It's possible that they become more reckless with drinking and partying. As a friend, you will probably notice these changes as time passes. It is also important to remember that self-harming does not come in one form. As stated earlier, self-harm includes anything from cutting to starving and isolating. It is a huge responsibility to notice these signs and even more so to do something about them, but you truly are able to help. Ignoring pain will not make it go away.
How To Help
A person revealing to you that they are self-harming is an excellent sign. This means that they trust you enough and may be ready to get help. They trust you. Your reaction to the news means a great deal, especially if you are the first person told. Keep this in mind and try not to shame someone who is ready for help.
It is more difficult to come to the aid of someone when you find out what is happening by chance. If they did not mean for you to discover their secret or be confronted about their chosen form of self-harm, then they may not be ready to explore methods of help. Try not to judge and offer your support instead. Let them know you are there for them.
"I've gotten better at communicating to real friends and family when I feel depressed. I think that's probably the biggest help for someone suffering from depression and wanting to self harm. Knowing you're loved and that you're not alone." - Sean
Trying to force someone into accepting help they don't want is not always the best idea. It may cause them to spiral deeper into depression. However, even in this situation, it's important not to underestimate your ability to help. You can do things such as:
- Make it a point to talk to that person at least every other day to check in on them
- Try to limit their attempts to isolate themselves
- Help them research safe alternatives to self-harming
Knowing that there are people willing to support you is important for everyone, not only to those who self-harm.
"It didn't stop all of a sudden. It certainly didn't happen in a day. And I relapsed a few times before I finally stopped. I would wear rubber bands as bracelets for a while, and snap them against my wrist. That helped for a while. But it's, in every sense, an addiction. And to this day, any traumatic experience makes me think about it all over again. I don't do it, because I'm older and I have more self-control, and I will to do better with my life. But I still think about it. Try substitution, you can train your brain to want something else, 'I feel like cutting, I'll eat instead.' It's an addiction either way, but whatever you pick is bound to be a little better than cutting." - Chloe
Recap
- Self-harming numbers are increasing and more prevalent in pre-teen through young adult populations
- Self-harming can include cutting, burning, starving, sex, isolation, and reckless behavior
- Suicide or attention may not be the goal
- Be observant of your friends behavior especially if they are known to struggle with Anxiety or Depression
- YOU CAN HELP! Check out the ways above
Why Does It Matter?
I wrote this to spread the word. Self-harm is discussed but not enough and the danger of it is often diminished. The numbers are rising and it's important to be educated on a topic that relates to at least half of the United States teen and young adult populations. By understanding why we feel the need to do this, maybe you can help. Maybe those who do not self-harm will be less scared or judgmental and more open to the ideas for and possibility of assistance. Knowledge is power.
And for those of you out there who are still battling your self-harm addiction, you are not alone.
Special Thanks to Anonymous, Devin, Sean and Chloe for allowing me to use their interview quotes.
