Your mom. Someone who has been a figure of passion, love and encouragement in your life. The person that cares about you the most. The person that brought you into this world and always threatens to take you out of it. Someone who hides and ignores all of their problems to take care of yours. What would you do without them?
Growing up, I had times where I felt distant to my mom or when I would give her the cold shoulder. Who didn't? But even when I treated her unfairly, she never once showed that she was hurt. Growing up, most kids forget that parents are regular people with feelings too. They have insecurities, even though we see them as flawless and beautiful and nothing short of perfect. And what I forgot was some of the things I say that I don't mean could actually leave wounds.
It was a regular weekday night when my mom's and my favorite reality TV show just ended. She asked me if I could grab her laundry for her and of course I did, while groaning. I came back with the clean clothes, said goodnight to her but I looked at her and her eyes were filled to the brim with tears waiting to spill out. This was one of the most frightening things I ever saw. Even when I didn't realize it, my mother is and always will be my backbone. The woman who bought me years of dance and violin lessons so I can pursue what I love. The woman who trusted me to go on road trips by myself to see stupid bands she's never heard of. And seeing her fall apart and tell me "It's okay." as she's trying to stop bawling made my heart break into a thousand pieces. And when there is nothing you can do because you're the kid and they're the parent, you just have to accept it, even though you feel small and powerless. It's like watching the happiest person you know break down in a fit of emotions, it's something you've never seen or ever thought of before. Like seeing your favorite super hero actually be defeated by the villain. It just seems unfathomable.
Any time a family runs into money problems, the death of a family member, divorce, or anything upsetting, it's the hardest seeing it affect your parents. It breaks this "fourth wall" between the parent and the child that once shielded the real world problems from the child. It makes things real, and it sometimes is one of the hardest things to see a parent or any guardian figure in so much pain when you simply cannot do anything to help them. It's this fourth wall that lets a parent protect their child from real world difficulties until they're ready. It's these things that let us grow up with character and emotional intelligence. Some though were unlucky enough to have bad parents, rough childhoods and are no stranger to family tragedies.
Seeing my mother cry and having to watch her say that she isn't a good mother and that her other child doesn't love her was one of those things that you can't just forget. Seeing this amazing person whom I've always looked up to and thought to be fearless break down and show her vulnerabilities is so shaking and moving. I wanted to be a superhero and comfort and protect her, the way that she has done for me all of my life. If I could I would find and hunt down all the people that have hurt her or have ever caused her pain, but the barrier has to be broken down one day.
