I met a friend of mine for coffee at Starbucks one September evening. I felt a crisp breeze in the air as I got out of the car - one I quite frankly wasn't used to. I noticed the sky seemed dimmer at this hour for the first time in months. Trees were sprouting different shades in their leaves - the seasons were changing. Fall was coming at full force. It was an odd feeling for a moment. I questioned - "wasn't I at the pool a week ago?" and huffed to myself knowing winter was around the corner.

As I sat down with my friend, I instantly mentioned the changing of the weather. I blabbered a little about how people were saying they "can't wait for spooky season and cozy sweaters". As a beach lover - I resented this desire for change and others' needs to rush away summer. My friend laughed and said "People are so afraid of change. If only everyone could be like the trees and embrace the changing of the seasons." I asked her to clarify... she smiled and said "trees change every season. They welcome them every year. They allow their colors to transform and drop their leaves. When the time is right, they bloom and look brighter and beautiful as ever." As the day went on, I began to understand the meaning behind her words. Life changes with or without us. We can stay stuck in standstill, but we will never flourish due to resistance. This creates tension, stress, depression, anxiety, etc… but if we were to drop our leaves, and look at change straight in the face and take it head-on, we may find excitement in these changes.

If we are to change with every season of life, we are renewed and rebloomed. We might even come to find that each chapter can be greater than the last. The more we hold on to the past, the more we lose sight of what's in front of us. Even worse, we can even begin to lose sight of ourselves.

Photo by Courtney Hull

Although it isn't as easy as it sounds to embrace life, the easiest way is to accept the simple truth: life keeps moving. It keeps going on. No one is going to remember that you cried at the bar and called your ex. Or that you were so anxious for your meeting, that you mixed up your words. Or that you tripped and fell in front of those people you were trying to impress. They won't even remember that you had a 5th year of college, or that you were fired from that job. The point is, the things that we so deeply want to hide and escape from - don't define you. Which is why you shouldn't let it. By doing so, you give your power to other people and take it away from yourself. If you constantly allow yourself to be subjected to the lie that you will forever be the worst version of yourself, then you will never grow. You will cease to find true happiness, due to the inability to change yourself and your mindset.

If any of this resonates with you, I encourage you to dive deeper. Ask yourself what version of yourself are you trying to hide? What version are you trying to forget? When you have your answer - take a second to show that version of you the love within. You were trying, you were learning, you were growing. No one is perfect, people make mistakes. If you are trying to be better than you were yesterday, you are still a good person. Even if you've fallen into a rut of self-deprecating thoughts you are able to get out. That alone is enough. Do not be ashamed of your past, do not dwell on your past. Because if so, soon enough you'll find that you missed out on your life.

I spent years holding on to the version of myself that I did not like. I wanted to change my mistakes, I wished I was stronger, I wished I spoke up for myself. I felt misunderstood and wanted to be seen for the person I am. The longer I held on to this version of myself, the more I felt embarrassed of who I was, the more I wanted to change who I was. Until it dawned on me one day that I could spend the rest of my life wishing to change the past - or I could change the present. Maybe the future? That is the day that I chose to become comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Being comfortable with being uncomfortable is as straightforward as it sounds. Put yourself out there. Speak up in front of groups - let your voice be heard. Try out for the role. Quit the job you hate. Apply for the one you dream of. Change your major. Tell someone you love them. Compliment others, even strangers. Stop allowing others actions and opinions to control your life. Live YOUR life the way you want to live it. No matter what shade it may be. Sometimes this will feel like spiders crawling up your skin. The challenge is, to ignore it anyways. Ignore the voice of self-doubt in your head and do it anyways. Do this until it inspires you to change more in your life. Over time - you'll realize you're becoming the person you always wanted to be. The person you wanted to be friends with. Suddenly, you are the person you were holding yourself back from.

If we don't accept the changes in life, we will stay in a constant circular motion. Wondering why we always end up with the same outcomes. Sooner or later, you will find that life is happening to you vs. creating the life you want to live.

In honor of the start of fall, allow yourself to drop your leaves. Embrace the change and find ways to be excited about it. Set new goals, change up your routine, start a new hobby. Do whatever it is that you need to feel confident moving forward in this next season...because these seasons - are your life.