Self-love is super important. If you love yourself, then you are more confident in the things you do and have higher self-esteem, among other benefits.
But the self always has imperfections.
Loving myself is a rollercoaster of emotions. When I'm at the top, I feel amazing about who I am. Being at the top of the rollercoaster happens sometimes. Most times, I find myself feeling good but not quite loving myself the way I am. Thankfully, the days I am at the lowest point are few and far between.
I believe that I love myself. I know that was not always true. Adolescence was not the best time for me as far as my perception of myself, both physically and mentally. I have learned to accept what I cannot change, and to take control over that which I can change. I've learned to change those things if they don't make me happy.
There are things about me that, for better or for worse, make me the person that I am. People may decide to not accept me for these things and that's okay. I accept myself as I am and have decided to actively try to work around these defining qualities.
Here are those defining qualities:
1. I'm dramatic.
My parents told me my entire life that I am dramatic. My friends also say it. I don't always realize I act that way. It's hard to tell when I will overreact to small things. I honestly think my perspective on things prevents me from seeing how I come off to other people in many different situations. I understand now that I can be dramatic.
2. I'm stubborn.
Although I am not immovable from certain stances I take regarding specific issues, I do hate not getting my way. If something happens that affects me negatively, I can really be stubborn about how I feel and insist there is nothing wrong with what I think about what happened. I also refuse to believe my impression of someone is wrong. If I don't particularly like someone, I won't ever like them.
3. I'm impatient.
I have a lot of respect for employees of the food and retail industries. I have worked in both industries. I don't fly off the handle easily, but I will be vocal about my dissatisfaction about the situation if it inconveniences me.
4. Sometimes I argue (even when I could be wrong).
Like most people, I enjoy being right. But I find myself arguing even when I could be wrong. If I feel I may have the slightest chance of being right, then I will argue my position. I do not always argue with logic, but that could explain why sometimes my contributions may not always make sense to everyone else involved.
5. I become despondent easily.
I feel my emotions so strongly that I can become very hurt by the things people say or how they treat me. The hurt I feel manifests in my disconnected behavior from those around me. I can feel so low that I can feel temporary hopelessness.
6. Too emotional.
I get in my feelings about things that I shouldn't. For example, I cried while breaking up with an ex-boyfriend. It confused him. That made sense. I get hit by way too many waves of emotions that avoiding the tide becomes a huge challenge. I lose track of how much I feel. It's too overwhelming.
I am overcome by more than just sadness. I feel all my emotions the same way, too much and at the same time.
7. I hold grudges.
If I'm mad, I stay mad. I just have to feel the bad stuff first to get to feeling like myself again, because I am almost always happy. I am getting better about forgiving people, but I do think really deeply into what people say or do that offends me in some way.
8. I overthink (a lot).
I can't help but make everything seem more difficult than it actually is. Life would be so much easier if I could see things for what they are and not some warped alternative version I've concocted in my own mind.
9. I worry too much.
So much can go wrong. I just worry about things before they happen. It slows me down sometimes. I don't take too many risks, and my worrying problem really makes me want to play it safe.
10. I, too often, expect the worst.
I consider both positive and negative potential outcomes. Unlike the saying, I don't prepare for the best. I kind of just know something bad could happen. I do think positive and believe good things happen, but it keeps me grounded to have the bad possibilities hanging out in one corner of my mind. I need to be more realistic about life, and I can start here with how I see situations.
The people who refuse to accept me as I am, do not matter to me. If I can love me, the people who are meant to be important in my life must love me too.
