A Search For Something Greater | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Lifestyle

A Search For Something Greater

Not what you look for, but who you look for.

26
A Search For Something Greater
DeLacy Louise Rowland

In the past few months I have felt like a wonderer. I struggled to find what I wanted in life, where I wanted to go, who I wanted to be, only to find myself lost in a collection of abstract ideas that I had to call life. A massive mess, that began to really hurt me and made it harder for me to be content with myself. I struggle with the image of myself, I always have... A fact I have yet to share with most people in my life, even my mother, until recently. Something that seems so cliche I know, but before you think "just another teenage girl making her life worse than it is" know this: My problems with my self-worth and image can be perceived how ever you would like but for me this is a hole in my life that is never ending and I find myself trying to hold onto the edge very often. This hole is dark, and it hurts. When I fall in I doubt myself and question who I am, and it is a long climb back up. I struggle to even write this because it hurts to talk about it, and there is the slight fear that people will look at me different... But understanding my hurt is all apart of a process.

Everyone struggles, everyone feels some kind of pain in their lifetime. A pain that for some can be greater than others, pain that damages, stings, dissolves relationships, breaks apart families, causes destruction, and maybe or maybe a pain like mine, one that is silent yet massive. Through these pains everyone has a way of trying to suppress their hurt and suffering. We fill our lives with things, irrelevant, petty, stupid stuff, that just clutters our lives more. We crave fulfillment from these things, people, relationships, whatever you can think of, to satisfy the missing pieces of our hearts. Throughout my time suffering I have found myself looking for earthly suppressants, dirt to fill my hole or a ladder to help me climb out. Putting my time in paThings I felt I could find here on earth, and yeah I found temporary happiness in myself through these things, but I always wanted more.

I have always been a believer in Christ, and I know this will be the end of some people reading this article, but oh well. This is not for just Christians it is for any religion because I am sure they would teach the same things. But my Faith is found in one God, and that is who I will write about, just from personal experience.

Christ is the foundation of my life, but sometimes I find myself doubting how strong my foundation is. I try and prove to myself that I can control my life and fulfill myself. But here is the news flash: we can't, I can't, you can't, no one can but God. He created us to be alive in Him, to walk in His light, and to simply be of Him. When we turn the chair in our one on one meeting with God, we turn our backs on him, and forget that he is their to fight for us and to take on our pain. After all, he sent his only son to be nailed cross and bare a crown of thorns for our sake, taking with him the weight on our lives as well. I have really tried to find my strength in Him but couldn't find the strength to stay there all the time. It came to me a couple of weeks ago as I started to dive back into the word more than usual, which lead to a chain of events that were constant reminders for how loved I was. I listened to the sweet sound of local worship, a reminder that "God whispers because he is close", and my favorite the story of Jehosephat. A story in 2 Chronicles 20, that reminds us when we trust and make our lives constant in the Lord he will fight our battles for us, all we have to do is be still and have faith.

This is the strength I needed.

The push I found to help me decide "this is it God, I am here ready to be constant" which has lead me to already find my hole getting smaller and smaller. God has helped me to realize my worth is not in the materialistic things of this world, they are in him. He has started me on a path of light, a path specific for me and my relationship with Him. I have come to him seeking a relationship and guidance and he has delivered. He is taking my battle one step at a time, and when you find your fulfillment in Him and nothing else, you will find Him helping you too.

Today I woke up and went to the gym but did I do this for anyone else but me? No, because I am strong in myself and my relationship with someone much greater than I can ever be.

Then the Spirit of the Lord came upon Jahaziel the son of Zechariah, the son of Benaiah, the son of Jeiel, the son of Mattaniah, a Levite of the sons of Asaph, in the midst of the assembly. And he said, “Listen, all you of Judah and you inhabitants of Jerusalem, and you, King Jehoshaphat! Thus says the Lord to you: ‘Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God’s.Tomorrow go down against them. They will surely come up by the Ascent of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the brook before the Wilderness of Jeruel. You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord, who is with you, O Judah and Jerusalem!" Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them, for the Lordis with you.
2 Chronicles 20:14-17


Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Relationships

20 Things You Forgot To Thank Your Mom For

Moms are super heroes dressed in yesterday's clothing and they deserve an award for that.

420
family
Facebook

Dear Mom,

You took care of me and my brothers our entire lives and you still continue to! I will not be able to truly grasp all of the hard work that you put into this family until I create my own one day. But, I know that there are plenty of times I forgot to give you a simple thank you or an appreciative smile. I thank you for everything that you have done for me and will continue to do for me. Here are some examples of those times where you had my back and I forgot to pat your back for saving me:

Keep Reading...Show less
pumpkin
Holytaco.com

College is hard. As people ages 18-22, we’re just trying to figure out what we’re doing with our lives, our careers, our eating habits, exercise routines, sleep patterns, and other necessities for adult life. We definitely don’t take proper care of ourselves; it’s basically impossible when we have essays, tests and readings due and somehow we’re supposed to eat right, exercise and sleep. We’re doomed to get sick. I have zero experience in science but when I get sick there are certain things I do to make myself better.

Keep Reading...Show less
Bob's Burgers
Hyannishyball

First of all, there is no shortage of fun when you're together.

And you often find yourselves entertaining each others terrible ideas.

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

The Unwritten Rules Of "Talking"

What is "talking?" How does one "talk?"

8688
girl holding phone
NYCPRGIRLS

Now that it seems “talking” is the new way to date, and will stay that way until another idiotic term is used to describe the people who can’t settle down and just date someone, I feel as if it’s time to go over the unwritten rules of “talking.”

Rule 1. Having feeling without feeling.

Keep Reading...Show less
The Stages of Having FOMO in College
iamthatgirl.com

Are you one of those people that gets super upset when you miss out on anything? Well, you may have FOMO, or fear of missing out. In college it’s not hard to experience FOMO every once in a while. You just love doing everything and anything, so hen you have to miss out on something it's the worst possible thing in your mind. Whether you’re sick, have to work, or have so much work to do you could cry – FOMO will hit you hard in college.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments