May 22, 2017

I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock ringing and for once, I shut it off on the second ring. I have waited for this day since I could even remember. I couldn’t wait to say all the goodbyes to the place that I dreaded going to for four years. It seemed like a dream leaving high school and all the petty drama and fake friends behind.

Finally, I get to start my real life.

This morning, I took my time getting ready. Not because I wanted to look good but because I wanted to remember everything that happened.

After I got dressed, brushed my teeth, and kissed my dog, I made my daily commute to school. I drove exactly the speed limit and got there a little bit before the bell.

Once that bell rang, the whole day flew by. I wanted to savor every moment but life just had a different idea. My first and second period went by and I didn't feel any different because everyone was still acting the same even though this was such an important day.

Maybe it was just important to me.

When the final bell rang, I said goodbye to my friends that I had and that I just recently made. I was emotional because I knew they were just high school friends. I knew that they wouldn't care to keep in contact or meet up. I cried saying my farewell to some others because I never told them how I really felt but I didn't have enough time to make out the words. It was a "now or never" kind of situation.

On my final walk to the parking lot, I took a mental picture of everything I saw.

The cuts in the Randy Johnson mural, George in his golf cart yelling at some kids, and even that couple making out by the art room.

The last goodbye I said was to the security guard who always told me to get home safe. Seeing my high school in my rearview mirror and knowing I never had to go back felt like such a relief.

But when I got home and analyzed my day, my whole world just came crumbling down. I realized that I spent so much time dreading going to school but that was actually my home away from home.

I realized that I spent more time in the media room or in a ROTC meeting or at cheer practice than at my own house. I began remembering every little thing that had happened there.

I remembered all the days my friends and I sat outside underneath the blazing Arizona sun to eat lunch. And the green outdoor table we carved our initials into.

All the walls that I dragged my hand across while walking to class. All the boys who stole my heart and from whom I stole it back.

All the laughs and sobs, all the triumphs and hard losses.

Everything.

The memories hit me It felt like a bright yellow school bus driving 100mph straight my chest. It was my last day of high school and even though I tried so hard to remember everymoment, I couldn't even tell you what I was wearing.

I felt as if all of my blocks I had been stacking since kindergarten had tumbled over and I had to start building again from the bottom in college.

I realized that just because high school is over, doesn't mean I have to re-build my educational and social status from the bottom up.

I'm just building on top of everything I already have.

Authors note: Originally posted on October 17, 2017