Toxic Masculinity is an issue that has gained a large amount of momentum. Whether from the fact that mass shootings by males are appearing more in the media or because of Feminism gaining more traction, Toxic Masculinity has become a mainstream phrase. Understanding this issue is a complex affair that requires research. However, said research has only just begun.
However, one issue stands tall when dealing with Toxic Masculinity. A topic that is so taboo in society that individuals avoid it. Men will go to great lengths to avoid telling the truth about it. Women will harass anyone who complains about it. I speak of the dreaded Scarlet V: Male Virginity.
Why No One Talks About This:
The Scarlet V is a phrase that has also become popular enough to describe an important issue in Toxic Masculinity. While women are celebrated for their virginity, men are shunned. Being a man means having countless sexual partners. Manliness is being aggressive and domineering. Hence males who cannot have sexual encounters must also fail at all of these things.
One of the problems with addressing male virginity is that both Feminists and Men's Right Activists tend to attack anyone who brings the issue to the fold. Feminists will lecture men who bring up virginity about how they are not entitled to sex. Men's Right Activists will tease and harass the speakers into silence. Both groups then cause male virgins to feel isolated and alone. Stuck with an issue that no one would dare talk to them about, many men in this situation fall into depression.
There are many complexities to be addressed. When one looks at this issue as an outsider, they will act in a few ways. But none of these actions tend to be helpful. One of the likely responses will be an accusation of feeling entitled to something you have not earned. This answer is most likely to come from a Feminist. Others will say to throw your virginity away. This one is more neutral and likely to come from a person regardless of their beliefs. A third answer most likely to be said by militant MRAs is to tell a man to be more forceful with women.
Three Toxic Answers:
The problem with the entitlement answer is that men in this situation are surrounded by media that says contrary. Name a genre that does not talk about love and sex in some context. Those that do are far and few between. There is a reason that the suicide rate spikes on Valentines Day in the United States. Just like holidays can be a trying experience for male virgins. Relationships and dating can be a trigger for such individuals and it is impossible to go out in public and avoid such encounters.
With the throwing virginity away answer there are different problems. Most solutions in this vein are either illegal or potentially dangerous. Having sex in exchange for money or other favors brings in other issues such as STDs. Desperation can also cause a person to commit terrible crimes. A person who will do literally anything to lose that Scarlet V might behave in ways contrary to their very nature. I am sure one can envision potentially non-consensual sex being one of these outcomes.
As for the third piece of advice. Being forceful when relationships and sex is concerned barely needs to even be explained. Sexual assault and other related behaviors are more likely to occur with this mindset. This solution is in my opinion, the worst piece of advice to give a male virgin by far. All this does is perpetuate the toxic masculinity behaviors that cause this problem in the first place.
Looking for Real Solutions:
None of the above lines of reasoning will work. All three of them just circle back to the toxic masculinity that created this problem in the first place. Instead, a more viable solution would be to help ease the stigma of being a virgin. This is by no means an easy problem to fix. Since sex has become more mainstream, that means that this is a societal issue that a majority of people don't even think about.
Just like with talking to other minority groups and using the wrong language, many people are unintentionally insensitive when addressing people in this group. This aspect of toxic masculinity is important because to truly combat the issues created by it. Stigmatization of men who fail to uphold the values of toxic masculinity is not how one fights against it.
Instead, male virgins need to be treated with compassion and respect. This should be a given since all groups should be treated in such a way. However, movies that mock male virgins such as "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" and "Not Another Teen Movie," continue to perpetuate the problem. These movies are popular among young adults. This is problematic since young adult male virgins are the subset of this group that is most at risk.
What is at Stake:
Studies have indicated a correlation between Male Virginity from their late 20s and beyond and Suicide. The stigmatization of the Scarlet V is potentially killing people. Speaking as someone within this minority of men, I am forced to deal with this aspect of Toxic Masculinity daily. It took a lot of time and thought to even write such an article because of the degree of taboo that this article is.
In a society that is working as hard as it can to be as accessible as it can be to as many minorities as possible, it is vital that this issue is addressed. Toxic Masculinity, in general, is a major problem in our society and men who would love nothing more than to discard these negative behaviors should get help with their endeavors. But because of the stigma of the Scarlet V, this subset of men is not only ostracized but becomes more loyal towards toxic masculinity as a hope of escaping what we perceive as a doomed situation.
If we are not willing as a society, to address toxic masculinity in such a way that men can walk away from it and not be left out to dry, it will be quite difficult to deal with this epidemic in our society. Both women and men benefit from toxic masculinity being taken down. This is why attacking male virgins does nobody any favors. It simply perpetuates a stigma that leads to hopelessness. This hopelessness can lead to tragedy.
