I'm The Girl Who Loves The Chase But Runs Away As Soon As A Guy Asks Me Out

There are few things more exciting and terrifying in life than a crush. It's a chance to try something new and learn about someone else. What makes them smile, what makes them nervous, what matters most to them. It's an enchanting and fleeting time that makes you feel an innumerable amount of feelings just by making eye contact with someone.

Crushes are fun and exciting and honestly one of the only things in my life that make me interesting. (I don't get out much.)

But they also suck.

The possibility of a relationship is the chance to let someone in, poke around, and see if they would like to stay. It's opening yourself up to parade your best-kept secrets and hoping that it won't scare them off. The vulnerability in letting people know you. Intimacy in it's truest form.

It's absolutely terrifying.

Don't get me wrong, being able to go on dates and finding out the quirks and insights of different people is exciting. The swoop your stomach gets when you hug or accidentally brush hands. The flush in your face when you go in for that first kiss. It's childish and innocent, but there's nothing like it.

The scary part comes when they actually want to get to know you. They start seeing your fears and desires and the questions turn from, "what's your favorite color?" to "what keeps you up at night?"

Surface level flirting is safe, easy. Being able to talk to one another and not worry about any potential demons is clean and good and faultless. As soon as we cross the line into vulnerable territory, there is no returning to that childlike relationship. It will always be more.

But not taking that step also holds you back from making meaningful connections. Letting people into the darkest parts of helps shed a light onto them and cast out those shadows. Sure, there is a potential to get hurt and broken-hearted at the end of the day, but there's also a potential for someone to love the parts of you that not even you can love.

I'm not a child anymore. I need to realize there are more to relationships than fleeting moments of intrigue and romanticizing. The chase may be worth sticking around for next time.