Saying “no” is hard to do. Especially as we age. I feel like saying no all the time is staple thing that toddlers do, but as we grow we begin to get more reluctant. There are many times when I want to say no to things and to people and I find myself unable to. This problem grows considerably when it involves people I care about. I don’t want to let anyone down and I definitely don’t want to disappoint anyone. For some saying no take little to no effort but for me the words twist around and refuse to come out of mouth. I would rather give a roundabout story of why I cannot do something rather than just say no. But why do I feel inclined to do so? Why can’t I just say no?
It was recently brought to my attention that no is a complete sentence. I always knew that it was but I never actually thought about that. Instead of saying “I can’t go to the store with you because I have a lot of work” I could simply just say “no.” I feel like maybe no is too short and we are conditioned to desire flowery explanations and poetic words to justice our meaning. Or maybe it is because no is curt and harsh, leading to understanding and misjudged tone. Whatever the answer is, no is still a complete sentence.
I wish I could gain back the ease of saying no that I had as a toddler. Then I would say no all the time. But I’ve realized that I don’t say no to other people because in turn, I don’t want them to say no to me. If I tell my friend I’ll go shopping with her, then I expect her to say when I ask her to accompany me to get dinner, even if I really don’t want to. I’m thinking forward into my future wants, especially when they include someone else. Is that selfish? Slightly, but I would argue that is it more the give and take aspect of any relationship.
Not being able to say no does complicate life. A crippling sense of doubt and anxiety shadow over me anytime I actually do need to say no. And if I can’t then I’m forced to stay up late to finish my reading or homework assignments. This doesn’t happen too often but when it does I always want to kick myself. Its just one little word, yet I let it rule my life.
I’m exaggerating a little...well maybe a lot. I am not a pushover per say but I honestly don’t like saying no to friends all the time. I want them to know that I’ll be there for them when they need me the most. Show them I’m not flaky and that I’m a good friend. But I guess another aspect of being a good friend is understanding when someone says no. No is not the end of a friendship or a sign that they don’t care. People are busy and have obligations so sometimes “no” is going to be the answer. No is a complete sentence, so just say it.
