Dating someone is different than being engaged to them, I have learned. The shift is pretty much all mental, and suddenly you realize that you’re spending forever with this one person; not staying together for a while and then splitting when you get tired and want something new. You’re actually going to stick around and compromise and make things work and it’s entirely terrifying.

What makes getting married so terrifying is how much you question and how much you don’t question. Meaning, you’ll stress yourself out questioning your decision, or you won’t and you’ll realize you aren’t and that will stress you out. Either way, it’s scary to process a permanent change. Getting engaged is saying that you’re willing to spend your life with this person, and also stress out about that for however long the engagement lasts. All of this stress though doesn’t compare to the smug satisfaction of never needing Tinder or going through that stupid “do they or don’t they?” phase ever again.

Truthfully, being engaged shows you a new side to the person you’ve been dating. Sure, it was serious before, but now it’s Officially Serious and you can bet that new facets of who they are will come to light, especially when it comes to wedding planning. Do they disagree well? are they willing to meet you halfway on some issues? does it truly matter to them if the flowers are real or fake and is asking that a taboo to them? These are things you learn about a person, and they’re very telling. If you can handle the stress of planning a Major Meshing of Two Families (also known as a “wedding”) and deal with the flying opinions of relatives on how your big day should go, you guys should be just fine.

Saying goodbye to being single isn’t the easiest thing to do, though. There are lots of fun parts of being single that you just kiss goodbye to when you get into a relationship. For example, not working your schedule around anyone but yourself; very freeing, but usually too free so you leave yourself open to developing addictions, bad habits, or severe cases of boredom. Also, being able to be totally on your own level of how your living space is maintained, whether it’s meticulously clean or… not. There are hundreds of little and not-so-little ways that having another person permanently installed in your life has an effect on, and honestly, most are for the better. Saying goodbye to being single has led me to be less self-centered, more open to discussion and finding middle ground and better at eating all the leftovers before they get stolen. Certainly, not every aspect is peaches and cream (because he doesn’t like peaches and I’m lactose intolerant), but you make do with what you have and you do it with someone there who’s willing to hold your hand. Your singlehood might be ending, but the fun part of your life is just beginning.