I am the worst at saying no. Never have I ever been the person to delight in the crushing of other peoples' happiness that relied on the hopes that I might want to go on a date with them or hang out. In fact, I have gotten into more miserable mischief than marvel by not saying no. I will now tribute this post to all the relationships in my life that lasted much longer than what was intended for them to simply due to my reluctance to use a two-letter word.
Now, I say no to some things, like the killing of innocent sea creatures due to uncut plastic six-pack holders (save the whales) — I say no to that. And the KSU bookstore selling women’s panties with Scrappy front and center, I say “hell no” to that. Sorry ‘bout it. But when it comes to having to physically look someone in the eyeballs and mentally rip out their heart because you won’t cover their shift and then you start feeling guilty because you know you’re just going to go home and eat pizza, well, that’s where it gets hard.
Like, OK Patricia, I really would love to cover your 12-hour shift at Cracker Barrel but I also had plans of doing nothing today, so... See that may not sound like a big deal to some people, but when anxiety is your BFF and creeps up on you the minute you think of letting someone down, you think about things differently.
I’m not saying don’t ever pick up a shift for Patricia, but sometimes you just have to do what’s right for you. If you need a day to sit at home in sweats and eat a whole pizza by yourself while neglecting all responsibilities, do that. Don’t feel bad about saying “no” when you really can’t do something. Don’t feel the need to justify your response either.
If they’re really people you need in your life, they’ll understand. Everyone has different agendas and schedules. Keep an eye on what’s important, though. Even if you’re an extroverted introvert like me and force yourself to go out on a regular basis just so you don’t become a recluse, make sure to balance the amount of “yes’s” and “no’s”.
Back to the relationships that have played out their roles in my life long before their positions were actually terminated: sometimes physically saying “no” isn’t enough.
There are people we let remain constant in our lives without justification just because we are too weak to remove them ourselves. Be strong my friends. Don’t let another person’s parasitic behavior dampen the fire in your heart. I believe in you.
How do you say no when you really know you need to but don’t want to disappoint someone?
