The one thing they talk about with domestic violence is that the abuser will isolate their victim from family and friends. They will move them halfway across the country if they have too. It doesn't start out that way of course, but over time they slowly tear the family ties.
The one thing my ex-husband didn't count on was how strong my family ties were. To this day I don't think that I have thanked them enough. They did the one thing that he never expected. They didn't give up. They were there even when it was uncomfortable. They were there when I was blind to the abuse. They kept me in the loop and in doing so probably saved my life.
There was a point when I felt very alone. My daughter was a newborn. I had no job, a car with expired tags and a stolen tire, and no phone. When I say no phone, this means no cell phone, not even a house phone. I was shut off from the world and he held the purse strings. I could not afford to buy formula or diapers.
I didn't know that this was the cycle of abuse. I couldn't see it at the time. My parents' pleas over the years had fallen on deaf ears because I thought I was in love. No one could have told me anything at the time that would have made me understand and leave. I see that now. It took being in it and learning the hard way.
I was one of the lucky ones because of my family. My parents gave me a cell phone, they watched my children, and they opened their home whenever I stepped on their doorstep. Formula and diapers appeared at my door when I was in dire need, and to this day I'm not sure which one of my family provided them.
If not for the love and persistence that they kept up, I would not be where I am today. I was a mess and I didn't know it. It is only now, almost 10 years later that I can look back and see that I was enveloped in love by my family. They were hurt, because that is what hurting people do, hurt people. I doled out my share of hurt and pain that I can never take back.
My life is completely changed now. I am married to a wonderful man. My children are growing into smart independent people. My family has a role in that. Thank you, Mom and Dad, for all the years you invested in me, before and after the divorce. Thank you, Grandma and Grandpa, for sharing your stories and reminding me that family comes first. Thank you, to my older sister, her family, her husband, and kids, she has done so much for me. Thank you, to my little brother and his wife, the two of you make an amazing team and I have the best sister in law. Thank you, to my little sister, you are amazing for all you do and who you are. I know I don't tell you enough and I have put you through a lot, I love every one of you. Thank you for never cutting the family ties.
