Eight years ago, I was a battered woman, a victim. I walked on eggshells and prayed that my husband would stay at work a little longer because then it was peaceful. It wasn't bad in the beginning, any survivor will tell you. It's true, in the beginning, it's all roses. He will tell you everything you want to hear. It is nothing more than empty words and broken promises.

I have uttered the words, "the first time he hit me", and I am angry at the truth of them. It wasn't until recently that I understood the magnitude of the words. I hid from family, but they saw the truth. I was only fooling myself. When I was fat, he was okay. It was only verbal abuse then, that is how he controlled me. He told me I was worthless and because of the way I looked, I believed him. The constant verbal abuse was enough to keep me down. He threatened divorce and promised that I would never see my son again.

Then it happened, two miscarriages brought me to my knees. When I found myself pregnant with my daughter, I knew things had to change. I started changing my life, eating healthier, going to church, focusing on the good things in life. I lost weight, a lot of it. It was nice for a little while, he was appreciative. It only lasted a short time, until I started standing up for myself. As the weight came off, the self-confidence came back. I didn't deserve to be treated that way. I wouldn't tolerate it anymore. The verbal abuse turned to physical abuse and intimidation, but not in such a way it was obvious. I started to realize that I couldn't protect myself from him. This revealed the sickening truth, if I couldn't protect myself I couldn't protect my children.

Leaving was easy, getting out was hard. If anyone asks why domestic violence victims don't leave, it's because of the process. I had to quantify why I didn't feel safe with my husband and the father of my children. It's hard to put down on a little piece of paper the years of abuse that occurred. The fees themselves are overwhelming, it costs money for every court filing. He hired a lawyer who learned from the same school of intimidation that he did. A year and a half of my life was spent fighting for freedom for myself and my children. I revealed to my family and an entire courtroom what I had tried so long to hide, and some things I wished that could stay hidden. In the end, the fight was worth it, we were free.

The years it took me to recover were hard. The person I thought I could trust, was the person who betrayed me the most. It is hard to put faith in any person after that. When you fear the very same person who shares a bed with you, how is anyone else safe?

I healed, I got help, and I moved on. My life now is blessed. I have an amazing husband who cares for me and my children. I created new and fuller relationships with my family. I have a network of friends who support me. There is life after domestic violence.

If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, please get help. It will change your life.