It may be because I used to live in Florida, the Yankee state of the South, but I hear pet names an awful lot more now that I live in North Carolina. I mean, does every single waitress need to refer to me as a pet name every time she comes by the table? If you live in the Bible Belt, you know exactly what I’m talking about, every time they come back to the table its something different. Don’t get me wrong, it’s really sweet and makes me feel welcome, but sometimes it’s a tad much. My boyfriend doesn’t even call me pet names because he knows how I feel about them.
Where do I even begin? How about “dear?” Let’s be real, I am not an animal. I mean, what are you doing, addressing a letter to your mom? “Dear” needs to be reserved for when your grandma is giving you advice and you look at her and nod your head because she told you the same thing last time you were on break. But I digress.
“Pumpkin.” Seriously? I don’t grow on a vine, nor am I a fall candle scent. This one is just doesn’t even make sense to me. Like who thought this was a good idea. Even if I were Cinderella leaving the ball I would still hail my carriage, not my “pumpkin.” Be a little more creative next time.
“Sweetie.” Again, this is something that your Great-Aunt you see twice a year calls you when asking about school or your significant other. All I think about when hearing this is my favorite candy, not my boyfriend being cute. But that’s just me.
This next one is killer: “honey.” Yeah, the stuff that bees make. I mean, I can kind of get this one, honey is sweet and free flowing and delicious and all, but it’s not for me. The only time I want to be calling someone this is when I’m jamming along to a Shania Twain song in the car.
Last, but certainly not least annoying, “darling.” This used to be a perfectly acceptable when David Allen Coe was topping the charts with his hit, “You Never Even Called Me By My Name.” This is definitely reserved for that waitress I mentioned earlier. And maybe with a “bless your heart.” But other than that, it’s a no go, darling.
Pet names are perfectly fine in any relationship and, honestly, in any situation with family or people you’re comfortable around. But when it comes to being sweet or the least bit romantic, these words just wont make the cut.
