Having sex? You need to know about UTIs.

A UTI is caused by bacteria being introduced to the upper or lower urinary tract. What do bacteria do in any environment? Much like what occurs in a petri dish when bacteria are grown to identify by the way they grow, bacteria introduced to the urinary tract also reproduce. What they do is cause an infection, a UTI. The resulting pain, burning and general unrelenting misery is pure agony for anyone who has had the misfortune of having one.

How would bacteria be introduced to this bodily system you may ask?

There are several ways, but the most common way for a man is through unprotected anal sex. The rectum is packed full of bacteria and, especially if the ''catcher'' hasn’t had a recent bowel movement, the penis is going to encounter some fecal matter. That is unavoidable if they’re having unprotected anal sex, but there is hope—a simple condom can provide them with a safeguard against feces being forced up the urethra for men who are homosexual, bisexual or just have a female partner who is into that or, more likely, let's him just go to town on her backdoor because he likes it more than her vagina.

The introduction of bacteria to this normally sterile bodily system causes a lower UTI in the man, the ''pitcher.''

Now, women—it’s a little different. The female urethra is extremely short when compared to a man’s. That’s a little basic human anatomy. Women don’t get a UTI from anal sex, they get it from good 'ole fashioned rough-n-tumble between the sheets, in the backseat of the car, on the couch or wherever they find themselves getting it on. A condom does not help them—the proximity of the anus to the vagina is one of the causes, as is her and/or her partner's genitalia not being cleaned properly.

Because a woman's urethra is so much shorter, the bacteria must travel only a short distance to reach the bladder and, voila, what you get is an upper UTI, resulting in a hopefully unfamiliar ache in the lower back and burning sensation when you pee.

Male pitchers and women who like a good old-fashioned rough-n-tumble: YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There is a third category of individuals who get UTIs with some frequency, those of us who must self-catheterize due to various medical conditions that cause the muscles down there to not function properly. Multiple sclerosis, muscular dystrophy, cystic fibrosis and Alzheimer’s are just a few of the many neurodegenerative conditions that can result in this demon-inspired torture.

To those who knew or suspected this before, and to those hearing of it for the first time but yet still willing to risk contracting a UTI just to engage in some good ole fashioned rough-n-tumble, my hat’s off to you, especially if you have dealt with this before. Bravo to you for dealing with the unrelenting agony! You are a trooper! To others who are learning for the first time and will now take the appropriate preventative measures, do not feel ashamed of your unwillingness to even potentially cause this, I will be undergoing my first real surgery (I get knocked out and everything) soon to circumvent this problem.

Please note: I am not a doctor, nor do I have the necessary education to provide sound medical advice. I am simply a university student studying for my BA, I enjoy research and, having suffered from lower UTI pain and/or muscle spasms for several months now, I wanted answers. This is how I think many people contract them, although I don’t know for sure.