I’ve seen a lot of articles recently that reference some sort of vague period of time before cell phones and the Internet that particularly highlight dating and relationships. You know, the ones that blame everything on people messaging each other on Tinder instead of going on dates in real life and often try to make some clever connection between FaceTime (the video call feature on iPhones) and “face-to-face time” (talking in real life). Or the ones about putting your phone down and enjoying the moment instead of trying to Snapchat everything that happens.
In order to make these kinds of think pieces more enjoyable, I read all of these kinds of articles in a proper, extremely condescending British accent and imagine that a man wearing a monocle wrote them. There are many variants on this central “the phone is our problem” theme, but they all seem to evoke this nostalgia for a "better time," when things just weren’t like this. Your aunts, uncles, and grandparents will likely take similar positions at the dinner table over the holidays. To highlight the silliness of blaming technology for all of our problems, I thought I’d adjust some of these statements of nostalgia to idealize the 2000s.
Original Statement: “Men should go up to women in real life and ask them out instead of sending messages on a dating app.”
2000s Version: “Men should send women a message on AOL Instant Messenger, with as many cute emoticons as possible.”
Original Statement: “’Netflix and Chill’ doesn’t count as going on a date. Go to a restaurant.”
2000s Version: “Go to Blockbuster and pick out a great VHS tape to watch together.”
Original Statement: “What happened to men wearing suits and girls wearing dresses?”
2000s Version: “What happened to men wearing camo cargo shorts and girls wearing Juicy Couture sweatsuits?”
Original Statement: “Put your phone down and enjoy the concert.”
2000s Version: “Record as much as you can. Remember when your Razr could only take 15-second videos?”
Original Statement: “Put your phone away when you’re out to dinner with friends. Make eye contact. Connect.”
2000s Version: “Texting is the coolest way to communicate with people -- you don’t even have to talk to them directly.”
I’m not saying that these pieces of advice aren’t solid. It is rude to text the entire time you’re out to dinner with friends. I’m just saying, people seem to be reaching for this golden era of communication instead of accepting the amazing fact that we walk around with handheld computers in our pockets. And who knows, maybe one day we’ll be talking about the '00s with nostalgia in a non-ironic manner.
