Tinder, Happn, and Friendsy, are just a few popular dating apps that are among us, and growing in popularity. I'm sure that we have all heard of the popular dating app, Tinder, and the whole swipe left, swipe right phenomena. But now, we're going beyond just swiping right for someone that we find attractive. Ever have that moment when you see an attractive stranger, but don’t know how to approach them? Then they slip away and are never to be seen again. Well, with Happn, when you walk past another happn user on the street, their profile will pop up on your screen at your convenience. Then there is the relatively newly released app “Friendsy,” which is exclusively for college students. You create a profile, and simply state what your purpose for using the app is. Whether it be to find friends, hook ups, or a romantic relationship, simply click the hands, lips, or heart button and get started.
Don’t get me wrong; I think that these apps are useful. (Personally, I’m not a user.) But I am not placing any judgments on people who are. However, I just believe that these apps have changed our perspective on relationships and how we go about them. Snapchat, texting, and other social media platforms including these newly developed apps, are not solely redefining romantic relationships, but relationships in general, as well. We no longer have the effort to meet up, sit down, and just have a conversation with a person without a firm grip onto our electronic devices. But it’s what comes before that which is being affected. Because of these platforms, we forget how to communicate. We forget how to make new connections and new friendships. We lack the ability to express our emotions and how we feel towards someone, especially face to face. All because we are so used to communicating through a screen. And mainly why, making new friendships starts to become so painfully uncomfortable.
" Millennials are used to dating in a Tinder world. They don't know how to date in real life." -David Ryan Polgar, author of "Wisdom in the Age of Twitter"
Our generation has been called lazy, entitled, self absorbed, and needy. And to kick us while we’re down, we’ve also been labeled as the generation with the inability to love. As I mentioned with the increase in dating apps, its not our fault that we’re so consumed in a society where technology is advancing and it’s importance is increasing. Of course we’re going to be misunderstood as the generation who lacks the romantic capacity and desire for meaningful relationships. However, just because our means have changed doesn’t mean that our desire for connection with another person has been lost. In Jan Omegas article, “Are Millennials a Generation of Losing the Ability to Love,” she mentions that “the theory on Millennials inability to love was hypothesized by people recognized as “millennial experts” during their panel at the Aspen Ideas Festival, they centered their topic on such, centering on what they called the “decline of college dating.” She continues, “Apparently, three causes were identified for the decline. The first millennials concentration on career over relationships. The second is the casual dating and hooking up. The third is their inability to understand and cultivate love on their parents.”
Kara Brown, a writer for Jezebel, provided that the “millennial experts are not millennials themselves. Ergo, they are an example of research on the outside looking in.” She continues to outline in her article potential reasons why our generation may lack this ability, by asking a millennial himself. Paul Hudson, lists that we: “care about instant gratification more than anything else,” we are built on a “drug and booze culture.” we sleep too much, we are egocentric, we only date for the sole purpose of dating, we cannot compromise, yet we are too caught up in fairytale endings, and perfection, too goal driven and forget about our partners, and essentially and overall, “millennials are really bad at loving.” If anything, I think we are caught between loving too much and taking it too lightly. A simple “like for a DM” can lead to someone expressing their true feelings in a more casual way because they’re so terrified to do it face to face , or serve only to fulfill spaces of our boredom.
Yeah, maybe a long text message followed by the kissy face emoji and a purple heart, or a super like on Tinder isn’t the most romantic gesture. And although we all long for that 1950’s love that consisted of hand written letters and sharing a milkshake in a malt shop, our culture is different. Our society has changed, and everything along with it, down to the simplest human interactions. Yes, we should learn to put our cellular devices down for a minute. Yes, we should be able to express our feelings to another person, and no, it shouldn't be painful to establish these relationships. Difficult, and a little nerve-racking, maybe. However, a "DM" should not be our outlet. As should we also not only rely on dating apps itself. While these apps may be helpful, we need to be able to communicate face to face.
Overall, as a millennial I want to say that despite what many may think. I believe that we’re doing pretty well as a generation. We’re learning to balance our social lives, while accomplishing our goals. We’re trying to have meaning relationships, while still focusing on ourselves.
It’s all a work in progress.
