Growing up, I was the shy kid that wanted to be involved. At my school, everyone loved sports and theater. If you weren’t in a sport or the musical, you were considered to be an outcast. Let’s see... I wasn’t athletic, so that didn’t work in my favor and I surely couldn’t hold a note to save my life. That left me in the outcasts. I was comfortable where I was because of my friends who had similar interests related to me. We all loved video games and clubs. I would join clubs galore to give myself something to do. Even though I tried to fit in through clubs, it always felt like something was missing.

When I entered college, I continued to be involved with clubs and even became president of one. Although I loved my spot on campus, I wanted more. I wanted a challenge... so I looked back to sports. What sport could I do and not... well, die? I wasn’t the healthiest or the fittest person I knew by far, so a sport seemed out of reach at the time. I hopped onto my computer and looked up the one thing I had a bit of a skill for, and that was roller skating. Have you ever seen the movie "Whip It?" Well, that’s exactly what I decided to join. Roller Derby. I sent the team an email and got a quick response. They wanted me to come in and meet the team. With no gear -- just myself -- I walked into that rink with confidence and my career in roller derby began.

I can conquer my fears with a little bit of love

Roller derby was surprisingly not like the movies: where girls are consistently beating each other up and trying to be better than their own teammates. The sport has a sense of compassion while being completely boss at the same time. My first night at the rink, I noticed girls of all skill sets. Some were basically doing flips on their skates while others were just letting go of the wall. Nonetheless, everyone supported each other. If this sport has taught me anything, it’s how to support and love a team more than I love myself. My teammates became my family. For a girl who once had an irrational fear of other girls, it’s a shock as to how much I have grown to love not only the girls on my team but girls on other teams as well. No matter whether you’re in training or at the top, there is always a sense of love.

I am not invincible

My first scrimmage taught me that I am not invincible. The amount of times I got thrown out of bounds or hit in the chest cannot be counted. I went home that night with bruises; many of them. I expected to get out there and just know what to do. That was the biggest lie I have ever told myself. I can get hurt, I can fall, I can bruise up. Even the highest up skaters get hurt from time to time. Getting hurt does not mean weakness, it means you tried and will eventually try again. This motto goes for life as well. If I fall down, I need to get back up. I am sure that many of my derby friends have learned this lesson through the sport as well.

The amount of work you put into it does make a difference

I used to put in the bare minimum for everything and get a result in high school, but that’s because it was high school. If you did the work, you passed. Once I hit college, I realized this wasn’t the case. Roller derby taught me how to work hard for something I truly want. It taught me that it’s okay to mess up and that messing up just means that you tried towards something. There have been numerous times in my past where I was too scared to do something and simply didn’t do it for that reason. Now, if I’m scared, I get guidance and do it once I feel ready.

Face your fears, but only when the time is right

Everyone has fears. Some people are afraid of heights, others are afraid of ghosts, and so on. My fear was jumping during the minimum skills test. The first time I did the test, I didn’t even attempt the jump out of fear. Usually, I would say that you shouldn’t let fear stop you, but the reality is, sometimes it does. There are so many reasons that fears are not yet to be conquered. My reason for not doing it was simply because I was not ready. I knew I would get hurt. My next test date, I did the jump and got it the second try. I could feel it in my heart that I was ready, so I did it. If your heart doesn’t feel ready, don’t do it. Your day will come to master the skill you want to do. It’s like jumping off a cliff into the water for someone who is afraid of heights. Before you jump, you have to make smaller leaps. Eventually, you will be jumping off that cliff into the water with excitement. For now, you just need to breathe and enjoy the ride of life.

Roller derby is one of my main muses. It harnesses a reason to keep skating on, both on the rink and in life. If it weren’t for me going that night to learn about roller derby, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I went from a shy girl to a confident woman. My advice for anyone who wants to find their muse but can’t seem to find it: keep looking. You’re most likely not too far off.