Rock Bottom. Is it just me or does that phrase in itself just carry an intimidating tone? It almost has a similar tone to a hard core, heavy metal rock or alternative band that plays gigs in an abandoned warehouse on Friday Nights. It feels exactly how it sounds too. It feels like the hardest place you've ever been (hence the word "rock.") And it feels as if you are at the bottom of bottoms in your life where everyone is standing at a level above you waiting and watching for you to breakdown, lose it, or give up (hence the word “bottom.") But, the term "Rock Bottom Faith" seems like it might have a different meaning. It might be because that added word "faith" carry's a different connotation with it; a hopeful one.

My hope is that this post forces you as the reader to reflect on those times in your life where you've hit a Rock Bottom, recognized it, and used that place as your foundation to rebuild.

“After all there is no better foundation for a house other than cement or rock."

I want to give you a little bit of background on myself and what Rock Bottoms looked like for me throughout my life because I plan to use my most recent experience to inspire you in this blog post.

About me:

Insider: I am not going to go into great detail about my life from beginning to end. I am not going to tell you everything about me. But, just know, I am an open book and through my weekly writings you should figure me out pretty quickly.

Let's start digging.

I grew up in what started as a broken family. My parents divorced at a young age & as an only child it was hard on me to understand the “Why's" as I grew up. Being in the midst of a broken family feels like a rock bottom in itself. With that being said, I almost felt like I was destined to stay at that rock bottom my entire life. I felt that I might never have the chance or opportunity to rise to a different level and pick myself up. Life seemed as if it started at rock bottom for me and naturally as a child I had to find a way to get to the surface before I even knew how to swim. I don't say this in hopes that you as the reader will pity me. I say this as the writer that wants you to know that "Rock bottom is the place that presents you the opportunity to rebuild."

Though I had friends in high school I felt as if I didn't always fit in. Though I was involved so many things in high school I felt as if I wasn't enough. Those two things combined caused me to fabricate and start pretending I was someone I wasn't. Putting on a mask and hiding who I really was because I felt as if who I really was wasn't who the world wanted me to be. I struggled with self identity and finding the real me for years. Finally, after finding the real me it took me some time to fully embrace that person and be that person 100% of the time. I quickly came to the realization after so many of my friendships, relationships and morals were ruined because of my habit to lie about who I was, my life and everything in between, that I not only wanted to be the real me and embrace everything that included, but, the moment I realized I wanted to be who God called me to be & start seeing myself how he saw me, I noticed it was a whole other level of self identity. It was taking up, believing and embracing my Identity in Christ. This epiphany happened recently for me. And guess what? It came after I hit a rock bottom.

1.) What is Rock Bottom?:

Rock bottom is an adjective that the dictionary describes as "The lowest possible level."

And yes, you can hit rock bottom more than once.

Imagine yourself at the place in life you never want to be. If you haven't already been there, it's the polar opposite of all the goals you have for your life right now. Emotionally, what do you feel? Spiritually, how are you coping? Physically, are you allowing yourself to not be okay? Or are you hiding from your current place? Rock bottom looks different for everyone. Simply for the reason being, we all hit different highs and lows in life. Adding to that, it really boils down to the fact that Gods plan for my life is totally different from Gods plan for your life.

I can tell you Rock bottom has looked like a lot of things for me.

- It looked like the back of a cop car at one point.

- It looked like nights on a cold tiled bathroom floor, screaming at God and blaming him for putting me there.

-It looked like an empty stomach that couldn't and wouldn't hold any food down.

-It looked like mascara running down my face and the collar of my T-shirt soaked with tears at 2 A.M because I didn't know what else to do but cry.

Rock bottom comes with a lot of feelings too.

-It felt lonely.

-It felt hopeless.

-It felt like I was standing in a puddle of quick sand.

Sinking deeper every time I attempted to get out without asking someone for help.

2.) Once you're there, how do you get out? Where do you go?

The most important thing to recognize when and while you're at rock bottom is you can not get out of it alone. Just as I stated in that quick sand analogy, the more you try to get out of the quick sand alone, the further you sink. Just as you can't get out of quick sand by yourself, you can't escape your bottom alone.

"Sometimes God lets you hit rock bottom because HE wants YOU to realize HE IS THE ROCK at THE BOTTOM."

Above is a complex sentence but a truthful one that I discovered at my most recent rock bottom experience. After I ran out of tears, and physically picked myself up off the bathroom floor, I laid in bed one night. My bible (that I had hardly referenced except on Sunday's) for the past 8 months laid beside me on the bedside table. I picked it up. Opened it hoping that it would reveal some kind of secret on how I could fix my life. Hoping it would tell me how to rise and how to run and who to run too! But, the key action here, whether I noticed it at the time or not, was opening that Bible. It was more than just trying to read some advice, God saw it as a sign of surrender from me.

This verse changed my perspective on God that night:

"Whenever you feel unloved, unimportant, or insecure, remember to whom you belong." -Ephesians 2:19

The words "unimportant", "unloved" and "insecure", are all words that describe how I felt at this bottom I had just hit. It was like God was trying to tell me exactly what the sub-headline of this post says. I heard him audibly that night in the midst of desperation and prayer say:

"Remember who you belong too. You belong to me daughter. I created you and I know everything about you, the good the bad and the ugly. I knew you would get here. But do you now realize that I am the only constant thing in your life? Do you now realize that I am your rock that will never leave you like everyone else has in times like this?"

Your rock bottom point is guaranteed to feel like the loneliest place you've ever been. But I promise you, turning to the Lord will be your first step in you being able to move or make a next step. A good reference for that is John 15, When Jesus describes himself as the vine and us as the branches. Jesus states clearly in this passage

V6: "Apart from me you can do nothing."

I feel that this statement isn't only crucial to remember when we are at rock bottom trying to get up. But, I feel like it's important to recognize that when we separate ourselves from God that is when we find ourselves at the bottom quicker than we realized.

3.) Recovering from Rock Bottom?:

There's a quote that my dad always tried his hardest to instill in me. After watching me hit tons of Rock Bottoms growing up my dad constantly reminded me that "You can only go up from here." Rock bottom is a scary place and what feels like a hopeless place but if you look in the right direction you might just find Jesus in the midst of it. As soon as you show Jesus that first sign of surrender whether its picking up a bible, praying or even just listening to worship music. Jesus see's all those things as a cry for help from him. He see's them as acts of surrender.

Another thing I learned growing up is "It is not only lonely at the bottom but it is lonely at the top." My parents constantly told me this to prepare me for success and be help me realize when I am living right and doing things the way God would want me to, it's going to be lonely. It's going to be hard to watch my friends go out, make poor decisions, and not conform. But I had a constant reminder that the minute I conformed to the world is the minute I became just another human living in it.

I found myself so caught up in being at the top, I plummeted straight to the bottom.

To top this all off, there's a ton of stuff you can do to recover from rock bottom. There is therapy, government and volunteer help, addiction programs and classes, rehab centers, detox centers, etc. But I would like you to recognize all those things are temporary help. What happens when they go away? Will it be easy for you to stay strong and resist the things that got you to rock bottom in the first place? If you are like me and answered "no" to this question thanthe help you are looking for goes beyond offices and centers and hospitals. It starts at surrender. So ladies and Gentlemen the moment you've been waiting for is here. I am briefly going to share and explain my most recent rock bottom and how I came out of it.

I abandoned God. I forgot all about him and started filling his place in my heart with someone else. I prioritized this person. I spent every waking moment worrying about this person, texting this person, with this person. It started with that because that was the moment I forgot everything I knew about God and about our relationship and focused more on what was going to benefit me faster.

A series of events went down that left me no choice but to think about how I landed myself there. How in the world did I get to rock bottom again? Well, the answer was simple...

I abandoned God. For a total of 8 months I put myself on the throne and I kept Jesus around whenever I needed a little help. I abused grace and forgiveness and found myself stuck in situations where I was just straight up sinning. It was no longer about just abandoning God and replacing him. It was about disobeying him, disappointing him, and being dishonest with him and myself and everyone around me. Sin took over my life in ways it never has before.

To put it in perspective for you: Close your eyes and imagine you're swimming. You're doing just fine with how your swimming but eventually you start getting tired. There is no place to rest near by so you just decide you're are going to try and float. When you float you realize that the waves are getting bigger. They are starting to engulf you and within seconds you are completely submerged under the wave, being tossed around like a piece of tumbleweed in the desert. Unfortunately, in this situation you start to drown and you cant swim to the surface because you're already so deep down. Lastly, you hit the bottom.

Sounds like a pretty hopeless situation? But, imagine a rescue diver swimming down to the bottom with an oxygen tank and more and carrying you and helping you back up to the surface. In this siutation, of course you would let him help you. So why wont you let God help you?

The minute you stop letting your sin engulf you like the waves did. The minute you accept the divers help and cooperate with him is the minute you will start to see things look differently for you.

The waves in that story represent our sin. The diver in that story represents Jesus.

At a point I felt as if I was doing just fine swimming along. But there came a time where I started to get weary and tired and I felt like I was in the middle of an ocean that had no way to rest. My solution was to float. The very instance I relaxed and just floated through life without any thought of God. the enemy took advantage of my vulnerability and sent those waves for me. Sin controlled my life. Lies and stories & deceitfulness took over me and engulfed me like waves usually do. After tumbling for so long I couldn't fight the waves (the sin) alone. I started to drown. Things in my life spiraled out of control, I found myself in some trouble & and also lost a lot of people that really cared about me. That's when I considered myself at Rock bottom. But there, is when I spent time thinking all those things: "What now?" and "Where to?" and "Who Can help me?" Soon after I stopped trying to answer all those questions on my own I looked closely and I could see that diver (Jesus) coming to rescue me. I could see him ready to meet me where I was at. The only thing he asked of me was to surrender and to promise to trust him!

I made him a promise, and while I still may not be at the top, I can for sure tell you I am in the process of swimming/rebuilding from there.

I would never be where I am right now, in this moment, if I wouldn't have found my faith again at Rock Bottom.