You are not alone, in fact there are 20 million women and 10 million men in the United States who are battling the same demons. This demon is an eating disorder. We fear that we are alone and no one truly understands because a lot of people do not understand the physical, mental and emotional effects an eating disorder has on a person. Society views eating disorders as an attention seeking behavior, but in fact, it is a mental illness.
The mortality rate of an eating disorder is higher than any other mental illness. We do whatever we can to hide our deepest, darkest secrets because we fear that we are being judged. When someone comments on our weight we are flooded with instant anxiety and self-doubt. Comments such as "You look so great, have you lost weight?!" or "OMG you are so thin, eat a cheeseburger or something" really take a huge toll on our already compromised mental health. We do not view ourselves in a "normal" manner, and do not see ourselves as others may see us. The skeleton we have become is not "great," it does not "look good," and it is nothing to be joyous over. It is a sickness and needs to be addressed as soon as possible.
Those with eating disorders are often ostracized in society simply because a majority of society does not have the same mindset as we do. Someone with an eating disorder lives a roller coaster of a life. Eating disorders are often comorbid with anxiety, depression, self-harm, and substance abuse. Borderline Personality Disorder is very common among those who have eating disorders.
Self-control is something that, as human beings, we all naturally struggle with, but having an underlying illness makes self-control even harder. Having the self-control to eat meals while having overwhelming thoughts start to take over your mind, having to eat should not be as difficult as it is for someone who struggles with an eating disorder. No one should feel overwhelming anxiety and fear when it comes to nourishing their body; food aversion (the turn off of certain food; attempting to eat foods can cause gagging, nausea, cannot get food down) is extremely common with those struggling.
There are four distinct types of eating disorders:
1. Anorexia Nervosa: inadequate food intake, noticeably low weight/drastic weight loss, with a fear and obsession of gaining weight; persistent behavior that interferes with weight gain (excessive exercising), even at an already significantly low weight.
2. Bulimia Nervosa: consuming large amounts of food, feeling shame or guilt, purging (self-induced vomiting) after eating, use of laxatives, and over exercising.
3. Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS): Night Eating Syndrome (excessive eating at nighttime), purging without binging, does not necessarily fit the criteria for Anorexia Nervosa or Bulimia Nervosa.
4. Binge-Eating Disorder: consuming large amounts of food rapidly, feeling shame or guilt, WITHOUT purging.
There are many different ways to help go onto the road to recovery. Here are a few:
1. Contemplation: realizing you have a problem
2. Preparation: ready to make changes to a healthier lifestyle
3. Action: ready to implement change
4. Maintenance: implement action for six months or more.
There are a few steps that I have personally found helpful during my road to recovery.
1. Seek professional help
2. Educate yourself on how to overcome your eating disorder.
3. Consistently eat and follow your meal plan as you are supposed to
4. Hold yourself accountable
5. Find your support system: friends, family, significant other, professionals, and treatment centers
4. Fear relapse: it is okay to fear relapse and it is completely natural; use those fears as drive to get better.
5. Share your experience: talk about it, it is therapeutic to talk about your eating disorder to others, and it provides support to others who are dealing with the same issues.
As someone who have been struggling with an eating disorder since I was 13 (I am now 23), I strongly believe that it is an extremely important treatment tactic to have someone help you take responsibility for your recovery process. Having responsibility for yourself and knowing what and when to eat can be a huge trigger for some people because it is mentally draining. The anxiety /self-loathing that some feel can be too much and can also trigger a relapse. I have been in treatment for my eating disorder on and off for about ten years now and I have had three bouts of relapse.
I know what it's like to lay on your bathroom floor in a ball and cry because you just don't know what else to do. But I also know what it's like to be able laugh and to let go. I know what it's like to go to bed holding your stomach because the pain from not eating is unbearable. But I also know what it's like to go to bed full - Full of food, full of happiness. I know what it's like to measure your self-worth based of what the scale tells you. But I also know what it's like to base your self-worth based on what your made of from the inside; what your heart tells you. I know what it's like to give up. But I also know what it's like to fight. I know what all these things are like but I also refuse to be a victim. I choose to be a fighter. I won't give up. Don't you dare give up either.
Recovery is possible. I know many people who have overcome the obstacles of having an eating disorder. Keep working as hard as your can; it is an uphill battle, but once you reach the top, you will feel nothing but satisfaction and happiness that you survived and overcame such a devastating illness. It will get better, I promise. You have many people who love and care about you, and you need to use those people to your advantage and as a push for recovery.
Stay strong, keep fighting, because things get better.
“Love yourself unconditionally, just as you love those closest to you despite their faults.”
