All throughout your life, people always ask you about your hopes and dreams. Family, friends, teachers,employers, and strangers on the street seemingly all want to know what your goals are for your future. Two bites into Thanksgiving dinner and you are already being given the third degree on where your life is going. You tell them all of the usual answers to what you hope to achieve and what is on your list of things you want to do before you die. You want to learn to cook, own your own business, marry the love of your life, and see the Northern Lights.
But no one ever talks about their anti bucket list. Well, I'm here to change that. Here's my list of thirteen things I don’t want to do before I die.
1. Go on one of those appalling upside down spinning rides at an amusement park.
Look at this monstrosity. They exist only to make you sick to your stomach and anyone who tries to convince you otherwise is a liar and you should stop being their friend immediately.
2. Dissect any sort of creature that was ever alive.
I already had to dissect a cat in human phys in high school and it scarred me for life, so it would be quite alright if I never had to go near a dead animal again, thank you. Visiting a slaughterhouse is also up there on my list of things I would not want to do if given the choice.
3. Become a vegan
While on the topic of slaughterhouses... I think I could be a vegetarian if I really put my mind to it but veganism is where I would have to draw the line. I went to a vegan festival the other weekend and was fully committed to converting and living off of nuts and fruits for the rest of my life until I tried vegan cheese and promptly changed my mind.
4. Go swimming with sharks
This one doesn't need an explanation. We've all seen Jaws.
5. Participate in a triathlon.
I am not athletic enough to do this, nor will I pretend I am.
6. Climb Mt. Everest.
Please see my aforementioned reasoning. Also, I have seen one too many movies about near-death experiences of expert hikers taking on this endeavor so I am not delusional enough to think that my attempt would be a successful one.
7. Go on a no-carb diet
A life without bread or pasta is no life at all.
8. Jump out of an airplane
I don't care if I have a parachute attached to my back, this just seems like unnecessarily tempting fate
9. Go to a concert where there is potential for me to be sucked into a mosh pit.
This is quite seriously one of my biggest fears.
11. Go on a road trip lasting longer than four hours with another human being.
Even four hours might be pushing it. Road trips sound fun in theory but by hour three I would probably rip my traveling companion's head off. That or tuck and roll out of the moving vehicle.
12. Go to prison
I've watched Orange is the new Black, Prison Break and Shawshank Redemption so I would be as mentally prepared as one could be, but going to prison would still not be a shining time in my life.
13. Get too drunk at an office Holiday party and decide to sing karaoke to Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" on my boss' desk.
Never again.
