Well, here’s another “Twin Peaks” article coming your way! Literally, after my last article gets published, and I decide I’m done with even mentioning “Twin Peaks,” my life takes a U-turn and everything I wrote about fell apart. No biggy, just have to retcon it. I feel like I’m a comic book writer at this point with the amount of retconning I’ve been doing.

So Rachel was a bust. Almost immediately after I write about her, things ended. What did I write exactly? Let’s look back…. Oh yeah! I said, “I’ve actually started seeing someone who’s really sweet, and whom I click with fantastically.” When you read my articles, you probably think I’m a putz. How can I continuously be this wrong with all of these girls? How am I vibing and they aren’t?

But I think there is one issue; things are completely copasetic until I write about them. It’s true, in “The Owls Are Still Watching Me” I went on and on about the fortune cookie, and how the owls are guiding me and leading me to meet Laura. And within the week it is published, we had that shitty second date.

After that didn’t work out, me and that “Twin Peaks” and “Gilmore Girls” fan, Sasha, went out on a few dates. And I really started to like her. I thought she was liking me too… but then she didn’t.

I know none of you know me, but I swear I’m charming! And funny, I mean people always laugh around me, they all couldn’t possibly be laughing at me, could they?

But that brings us to Rachel, the one I “fantastically clicked with.” It’s hard not to laugh at that wording; maybe everyone really is laughing at me.

But what did I do? I wrote about her in my last article, and here I am, retconning that information. Maybe “Twin Peaks” really has this mystic hold on me and I somehow have to keep mentioning it and writing about it. I mean, I’m not seeing owls, but I’m still writing about them.

Or maybe I’m stuck in the Black Lodge and Bob is controlling this version of me, the "me" writing this article right now. If you haven’t seen the show then that last sentence absolutely convinced you that I am mentally insane. If my off-the-wall-ness didn’t convince you of that already, then you’re sold on it now, aren’t ya?

Anyways, so now I’m back on the dating sites. And it isn’t fun. It’s boring. Everyone says the same stupid thing; “I love to go out and have fun with friends, but I also enjoy a nice night in with a movie.”

That’s great, do you like jazz? Do you like to breathe? See how I am shamelessly linking my previous articles? If I can’t get joy in my love life, I might as well try and sell you on reading some more of my stuff, amirite?

The whole venture is a fruitless, uncomfortable one. Here’s my point; why is online dating so hard? According to eHarmony.com, “40% of American’s use online dating.” Forty percent! With 325.7 million people in this country, that leaves 130,280,000 people using various online dating platforms. I’m only looking for one! I guess that makes the odds closer to that of winning the lottery.

I mentioned my article on “When We First Met.” Where is that kind of love in real life? These movies are around for a reason, right? Let's look at "Twin Peaks" again, so I can circle it back and really make this a “Twin Peaks” article. Copper came to Glastonbury Grove and entered the Black Lodge to save Annie because he loved her right?

Love is out there, in some capacity, otherwise… why do we continuously write about it? Our culture is flooded with love; it’s in our shows, movies, and songs.

And I’m not looking for love just yet. I just want to spend my time with a chick that I can be myself around and have fun with. I’m looking for someone who balances with me and feels right to have around.

That sounds like the beginning pillars that eventually hold and support love, but I’m not looking for full-blown, head over heels floating off my feet love like in the library in the “Tears for Fears” music video. I mean that’d be great but in due time.

It’s not all a bust. Am I devastated about me and Rachel? No. I didn’t think we’d last long anyway, I just didn’t expect it to end so quickly. But I’ve been on more date in the last year than I have in my entire life. I’ve met more women then I would have otherwise, and It’s helped me get a better idea of what I am looking for when the time comes to find that “one ring to rule them all” (Tolkien).

In the meantime, I’ll just keep listening to “The Cranberries.” Everyone says “The Cure” is the best break-up band, well I beg to differ. God Bless her soul, Dolores O’Riordan’s voice is that of an angel’s.

If you’re down in the dumps, listen to “The Cranberries.” At least in that interim, maybe I’ll finally figure out this world of online dating. I mean, “Everyone Else Is Doing It, So Why Can’t We?”