The Olympic trials for swimming started this week. Another exciting Olympic year for the sport. Swimmers from 14 years old to mid-30s will swim in Omaha, Nebraska (one of the most exciting places in the country, except it isn't). If you are ever going to visit Omaha, that is the time to go. The College World Series is finishing up at a field directly across from the arena where the trials take place. There are lots of people there, and signs for the two large sporting events are everywhere. The city really makes the most of this. 
I know all of this because once upon a time I swam at Olympic trials. I swam back in 2012, at what would be the last large meet I would ever compete in. Like many athletes, I did not plan on retiring when I did. I was a wide-eyed 18-year-old, heading off the college to swim Division I in the fall. I thought I had at least four more years of swimming.
I would finish my career at NCAAs, then at Olympic trials, and it would be a magical ending. In my young mind, this meet was just the beginning, but in reality it actually was the end. Those swimming at least for more years in college didn’t happen. God had a totally different plan.
Knowing that you’ll be retiring after high school or college seems easier to process. You have a set time that everything will be over. You have time to mentally prepare for hanging up your suit, cleats, etc. For some athletes though, you hang up your stuff one day and all of a sudden, that’s it. Realizing your career is over at an unplanned time can be extremely difficult. Was it really supposed to be over? There can be a lot of doubt and insecurity that comes with it. You may even experience it as a roller coaster you never wanted to get on.
It sets in after some time, and you say you are going to get back into it. You might actually join another club or team to start training. A month or so later you realize that you didn’t stick with it, so maybe you'll try again. Another failed attempt. Your career really is finished. Maybe it was meant to be, maybe it wasn’t? No matter what, it’s a lot harder than you ever imagined.
All those Monday mornings heading to practice hours before anyone else would even wake up, you thought retirement would be a happy day. No Saturday doubles always sounded like a beautiful thing! You could actually hangout with friends some weekends because you wouldn’t be in another state competing. Christmas Eve, Thanksgiving and New Year’s would finally be normal holiday breaks. Sunday practices were officially a thing of the past!
Fast forward three and a half years after my retirement, and I wish I was at Olympic trials this week. I see pictures of those who did remain in swimming and finish out their career. It’s extremely difficult. This obviously was not what God had in mind for me, but I would adore to be there. I would love to race my 100 breaststroke long course just one more time. I kind of miss the struggle of putting on my racing suit, the 30 minutes it always took. I truly do miss it. Maybe I’ll go back one day, or maybe I won’t.
Whatever your sport, no matter how much you hated it at times, it holds a special place in your heart. Retirement is not what you thought it would be, but you’re not alone.
