Ah, retail, a very interesting and unique business. In my 5 years of retail experience I feel that I have encountered it all. Grown woman fuming over an expired coupon, children knocking over entire displays and, of course, everyone destroying the nicely folded clothes on the table you just did.
No matter how kind and collected that retail employee you're speaking with may seem, it's all a secret language. Here's a little sneak peek into the truth of our "customer service".
1. "I'll go see if we have your size in the back!"
Translation: The odds of that being out back is slim to none, so I'm really just going to go check my phone and grab a snack for a minute to make it seem like I'm looking for it.
2. "Just so you know, we do close in about 5 minutes, but take your time :)"
Translation: We all have lives too and would like to leave ASAP so get out.
3. *Subtle, fast blinking*
Translation: If one more off-the-shoulder top slips off the hanger while I'm fixing it, I will legitimately kill somebody.
4. "Yes, you can definitely go run to grab that in a different size quickly."
Translation: You're holding up a huge line at the register and I have to stand here awkwardly and receive the death stare from ten strangers. Thanks, Susan.
5. "That honestly looks so good on you!"
Translation: I work on commission.
6. "I have a skirt and a necklace that would go so well with that."
Translation: Again, commission.
7. "Let me grab the manager to double check that."
Translation: You're simply not satisfied with whatever response I gave you about that expired coupon or sale that ended and my manager is about to tell you the exact same thing I did but, hey, let's waste all our time!
8. "I'm sorry, but the item has no receipt or tag and it's damaged, so we can't return it."
Translation: Are you actually dumb? Like, I'm very concerned.
As much as any retail employee may complain about their job, at least it's better than being unemployed or broke! (Right?)