Biology can be really hard. Luckily, our elected officials are always there to guide us through our anatomy with ill-researched and senseless highly researched, make-believe medical nonsense facts. How would we ever be able to navigate our lives, and more importantly our bodies, without the help of our U.S. State Representatives?

(from giphy.com)

Here are five actual quotes about the human body from U.S. State representatives that you should totally use to ace your next biology test:

1. "If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.” - Todd Akin, Former Missouri U.S. Representative, 2013

(from giphy.com)

Apparently the female reproductive system works like a natural anti-virus protection software program on a computer. Don't forget to update!

2. “The facts show that people who are raped — who are truly raped — the juices don’t flow, the body functions don’t work and they don’t get pregnant. Medical authorities agree that this is a rarity, if ever.” - Henry Aldridge, Former North Carolina U.S. Representative, 1995

(from giphy.com)

Juices? Is it organic and gluten free? Can we buy it at Whole Foods?

3. "In the emergency room they have what’s called rape kits where a woman can get cleaned out. The woman had five months to make that decision, at this point we are looking at a baby that is very far along in its development." - Jodie Laubenberg, Texas U.S. Representative, 2013

(from giphy.com)

Because rape kits are like car washes … for your vagina.

4. "Watch a sonogram of a 15-week baby . . . If they're a male baby, they may have their hand between their legs. If they feel pleasure, why is it so hard to believe that they could feel pain?” - Michael Burgess, Texas U.S. Representative, 2013

(from giphy.com)

Yeah, I'm not touching that one.

5. From Former Texas U.S. Representative, Steve Stockman, 2013

(from the Washington Post)

No, ma'am, those aren't labor pains. Just your fetus practicing its Second Amendment right.