I think I was 14 or 15, in that gross angsty phase of early young adulthood where nothing made sense to me but I pretended like it did. I was in the pseudo-peaceful two-and-a-half years or so between two of the most difficult times in my life (so far), one of which hadn’t yet even approached my radar, and the other with which I was finally trying to come to terms.

For some reason, I went through a weird period during this part of my life where I would spend a lot of time learning about different religions. I learned about the difference between religion and spirituality and how they can complement each other, I was introduced to the primary values of major Eastern religions like Hinduism and Buddhism, and brushed up on the ones I was more familiar with, I watched TED Talks on faith and belief. And as I read and watched and learned, I had a lot of really heavy questions bothering me: What do I believe in? Which religion do I belong to? Why don’t I feel anything for any of them? If I put myself into one of these categories, will I finally be satisfied?

I think now, and I didn’t know it then, but I definitely think now that I was just looking for somewhere, in all of these articles and online forums and videos, I was looking for somewhere to place myself so that I didn't feel so alone.

Whenever I observed people who were so strongly rooted in their religions and filled with faith and belief and absolute assurance that the thing they believed was the absolute truth, I felt sad and envious.

When I came to Providence College, a characteristically and unabashedly Catholic school, all of these negative feelings were magnified. I spent my first semester trying to discover something that maybe I just couldn’t see yet, something that almost everyone around me had already known for years of their lives.

I think that constantly being surrounded by tidy, clearly-defined “groups,” especially upon attending PC, is what made me so sad and jealous that I never fit into one. People usually don’t like to be in the minority, and nobody likes to be alone. It’s human nature.

I guess at some point I just started to realize that people who believe in a thing, whatever the thing, and are absolutely confident in and faithful and dedicated to this thing that they believe, when it comes down to the personal level (i.e., what’s actually important) are not members of any definitive group.

The people that believe what they believe are individuals, for which loving God, or many gods, or some other universal higher power is the truth for them.

That’s it.

Spirituality, whatever you have or whatever you do, all falls into this category separate from conformity, separate from the population as a whole. What or who you love and believe in, or what you don’t believe in, should be entirely based on what makes you feel whole and at peace with yourself and this world. It should not be based on making sure everything you believe fits into some sort of mold.

I honestly think that religion can be an incredibly beautiful thing. Really, it can. It has ridiculous potential to be the best thing that ever happened to this earth and to humankind. But the problem? It’s been twisted into one of the absolute worst things to ever happen to us.

It sparks passion, love, faith, belief, true happiness and connection. It undoubtedly does. It brings people together to love each other and be happy; it creates a group of faithful believers who are truly in love with something magnificent.

But religion has been the primary cause of some of the worst atrocities in human history. From the Crusades to 9/11, the disgusting display of hatred for the happiness that someone else feels for believing in something that is the truth for them is entirely opposite to the point of religion. And organized religion has developed a negative connotation because of it. Religion is about having a relationship with the higher power that you believe in, and it's about being faithful and making yourself the best version of yourself in the eye of that higher power that you can possibly be.

It's about sharing this love that you find within yourself and the god(s) you love with not only those people around you who feel the same way, but also with everyone else, without pushing your beliefs on someone who doesn't feel the same.

It's really about spirituality.

A lot of people scoff when others say, “Oh, I’m not religious, I’m spiritual,” as if the people who say this just haven’t found their way yet. But I think the opposite is true.

Those of us who can put aside the herd mentality that can be developed upon joining any organized religion and have the power to focus on our relationship with our subject of belief, ourselves, and the individuals around us, are the ones who have found the right way.

If you can practice your religion and personal spirituality hand-in-hand, then keep doing exactly what you're doing.

You can follow a religion. Be as devout as you want, and love your god(s) and meditate, or pray to them, or do both! Love the people who believe the same thing as you, and love the people who don’t. You can be as non-religious as you want. Really. If it’s the truth for you, then it’s the truth for all intents and purposes. For you.

But try to remember that at the end of it all, you are an individual person. When you die, yes, you should feel like you did right by your beliefs and you did everything you could to be true to them. But there's someone on the other side of the world who is also an individual, perhaps with values different from your own, and the only way we are going to stop religion from being the worst thing that happened to humankind to the best thing is to accept that their truth is personal — and so is yours. Don’t try to hurt others for what they love, what makes them happy and helps them to feel truly at peace.