Anxiety is something than can ruin a relationship if you and your partner don't know how to deal with it. When the relationship is new it may be even harder, but I believe it's always harder on the non-anxious partner. They want to be the person you talk to, the person that helps you. But more often than not, they end up feeling useless.
I asked two non-anxious partners what they felt when the anxious partner was feeling anxious.
Here's what they said:
One person said that he gets stressed about his partner getting anxious. Then they just both end up upset at each other. He said that when his girlfriend gets anxious about small things, it leads to stress on him. The stress comes from feelings of helplessness and fears of being a bad boyfriend.
The other person said it's hard to convince his girlfriend to go out which stresses him out. It also leads to stress when his girlfriend won't make up her mind, or when she gets mad about a lot of different things. But when his girlfriend is scared, it makes him sad because he wants to be there to help her. He says it is important to have patience and not get irritated when your partner is indecisive.
Here are some important do's and don'ts of anxiety from:
http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/tips-for-friends-family
-DO let this person know that they can talk to you about it openly, without any fear of judgement.
Sometimes the person just needs someone to talk to to ease their thoughts.
-DON'T get frustrated.
They know more than anyone else that their fears are irrational and that they can't control it with their mind. Anxiety is also chemical. It is important not to get irritated like many do.
-DO spend time with them as much as possible.
You don't know how much spending a day with someone special will help them. When you spend time with them it's harder for them to think about their anxiety.
-DON'T expect massive, immediate turnarounds.
Unfortunately anxiety is a slow process to improve. Never give up on your partner; They'll get there sooner or later.
I also recommend the book "Anxious in Love." It talks about what the anxious person feels, tips for the anxious person to help him or herself, and what the partner can do to help.
If you're the non-anxious partner you just have to learn what helps the anxious partner. Everyone is different but it won't hurt to ask how you can help. The key is to ask when the person wants to talk to you about their anxiety. If you ask during a panic attack, then you'd only be making the situation worse. Every person with anxiety appreciates what you do for them even if you feel like you're not doing anything. Your company means a lot. Being the one to listen to us means more than you think.
