I always wonder and dream about being in a relationship in college and fantasizing about how perfect it would be; going out to bars together, helping each other out with homework and just being with someone that I really care about. Then I look back into reality where I haven't been in a relationship since my freshman year in college at Pima. I think about how much stress I went through, with the time, commitment, and small fights. I always go back and forth with myself thinking how much I want to be with someone and how good I am with being alone. Its a struggle and I hope that other people have this too. I look at other people in relationships and think to myself "wow, someday I wish I can have what they do". But then I think about what the people in a relationship must be going through at the time. Some people may have fights, others may have mandatory things to do with their significant other, while also having to go through their own life struggles. I think that it isn't my time to love someone else. I need to focus on what I am doing with my life and to love myself while also getting my s#!t straight. I know that someday I will be able to fall in love, but is college really the time for me? As a second-year senior, my priorities right now are family, school, and work.
I don't think that I would be able to add another thing to my list without going crazy. As much as I would like to experience a relationship at a university I think that focusing on me is the way to go. I peruse dating apps like Bumble, Tinder, and Hinge but to be honest it's not because I'm going to find a relationship out of it; it is 100 percent out of boredom. I want someone to look at me with love and kindness like I see some of my friends' significant others look at them. But, let's be real, we ALL know what Tinder, and those dating apps, are for. I get caught up in my head thinking about the good things in a relationship and don't think about the bad. Maybe people don't have bad moments in their relationships, but I feel like if you don't have faults and fights that you're not going anywhere. A relationship is all about commitment, time, agreements, affection, and MORE time. I don't have, or at least, half of these things.
I am waiting for my time to have this, whether this is right now, out of college, or later in my adult future. I know that I will find the person for me at some point. If not, then I hope that I am comfortable with myself and to love myself enough to be happy on my own.
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