February is the month of Sadie's proposals, Valentine's Day roses, romance, lust, and one of the most negative things associated with love - rejection; worse than that, the fear of being rejected. The fear of hearing the word "no" keeps people from going for what they want, keeps them from going after happiness. Often I see my friends cower and hide when the person they have their eye on is in sight. They walk by, and my friends put their head down or pretend not to notice. Where is that going to get them? I tell them to take a chance, go for it, and they look at me as if I've grown a second head. My response is always, "What's the worst that could happen?" and their answer is nothing more than "they could say no…"
…And?
If that is the absolute worst that could happen, I don't understand what's getting in their way. It's one moment of vulnerability, and there are two possible outcomes. One; They could feel the same way, and you two could start writing your chapter together. Even if it only lasts a short amount of time, you would have gotten what you've wanted for so long. The second option is that they reject you. It may be kind and considerate, it may be simple, it may be complex and brutal. It could hurt for a moment or for what seems like a lifetime, but either way, you eventually realize there's nothing worth holding on to, and you find the strength to move on. In either scenario, you're going to benefit - even if you get your heart broken.
People are so afraid of pain. Personally, I welcome it, as I would hardly be a poet without it. However, others don't see what good could come from getting hurt. What people don't understand is that rejection doesn't have to be a bad thing. The past two guys I've confessed feelings for were so sweet about it. Yes, they rejected me, but they didn't destroy me. They took my feelings into consideration and recognized that what I felt was sincere, and they responded accordingly. We remained friends. One of those guys was the first one I've ever fallen in love with, and the other could read this and know that I mean him. I never stopped being friends with my first love, despite how intense and real things got on my end. I only told the second guy how I feel days before I wrote this article, and we're okay. They both showed me kindness and compassion, and I am so appreciative of them for that.
One of the biggest anxiety inducers that comes with telling someone you have feelings for them is the thought of ruining the friendship the two of you share. This thought is scary, yes, but it is rarely accurate. And if it ever is, that person was never your real friend in the first place. More often than not, the person will just be flattered. If you mean something to them, they won't stop talking to you just because you have a crush on them.
When did that get to be such a negative thing, anyways? What is so wrong with knowing that you mean the world to someone? That they would do anything to make you smile, that they think about you all the time, that you're the inspiration for their writing and that they can't find a problem with anything you do? Why is being loved a problem? Just because the attention isn't coming from the person you want it to come from doesn't mean it's wrong. Love is a beautiful thing, reciprocated or not. It's one of the best things we as humans do. Admitting you're feeling it for someone that doesn't is terrifying, but that's how you know it's worth it. If it wasn't important, you wouldn't be feeling anything real. You have a million more heartbreaks to go before you find your "The One," but if you don't give yourself the chance to get hurt, you'll never know what real love feels like.
Pain is inevitable. It is one of the only things every single one of us has in common. Its intensity varies, as do the scars it leaves behind. However, it is the only thing that reminds us that we are here. We are alive, we are human, and we are capable of feeling. We are capable of finding something so important to us that it has the power to break us. Taking the extra step, taking a risk, it’s a beautiful thing, all for one moment of openness. Being rejected is not the worst thing in the world. Giving yourself the opportunity to be rejected is one of the bravest things you can do. Don't hold back. Take a deep breath, think long term, and go for it. You might be surprised by the results.
