Why I Regret Having Sex With The Person I Loved
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Why I Regret Having Sex With The Person I Loved

I was seventeen, and I had my whole life ahead of me.

Why I Regret Having Sex With The Person I Loved

Sex. It is no longer a taboo topic or a hesitantly used word. It is quite the opposite, in fact. Sex is in movies, on television shows and sex-related pictures on billboards. Society is comfortable talking about anything related to sex –– except for refraining from it.

Having sex at the age of 16 or even as young as 13 is not as disturbing as it used to be. Young men are validating themselves by the number of girls they've slept with, and young women are encouraging each other to "just try it."

In all of the positive noise the world makes about premarital sex, why would any young person think differently about it?

Let me tell you why: It hurts relationships –– present and future. Itt blinds you and binds you, and it hurts God.

I know this because I made the mistake of listening to the world.

When I was sixteen years old I fell in love with a boy. He was cute, funny, outgoing and (at the time) everything I thought I wanted in a guy. We dated for a while, and I had the time of my life. From stargazing to baking to slow dancing under street lights, everything we did together was just like something you would read in a Nicholas Sparks book. I was more in love than I had ever been in my entire life.

I told my friends that I had thought about having sex with him and that I knew I would never regret it because of the way I loved him. A few weeks later, I did it. I had sex with my boyfriend. We continued having sex for the duration of our relationship and, honestly, it was magical. It was everything I had hoped I would experience.

When I was seventeen, we went our separate ways. Seventeen. I had my whole life ahead of me. Almost a year later I met a young man who changed my whole world. He loved me and pursued me in a way that I can only describe by comparing it to the way that Jesus pursues a heart. With patience, selflessness and tenderness, he pursued me even when I pushed him away.

It didn't take long before I fell in love, and I knew I was going to marry him. When the topic of sex came up, I discovered that he had saved himself for the person he would marry, and he found out that I had not. He was not openly upset with me nor did he judge me, and he still hasn't.

However, it brought unnecessary baggage into our relationship. Every time I thought about the way I had failed God and failed my future husband, I cried. I have never felt more unworthy than I did when I had to own up to the problems that I brought into our relationship. Of course now I know that God never saw me as any less but knowing that didn't take the guilt away at the time.

As our wedding got closer, I was constantly thinking about the fact that my husband would not be the first person who I gave my body to. Since I had taken a personal vow to a second virginity, my husband had to deal with the fact that he was denied the pleasure of sex that I had granted to someone else before him.

It is hard to explain, and even harder to write about, but there was so much pain and so many tears cried by each of us that I could not refrain from trying to share my experience. My husband and I have a wonderful relationship, and I love being married to him. But, there is something so beautiful about two people giving themselves entirely and only to one another within God's will, and I will never know what that is like.

Please understand that making this mistake will never make me or you or anyone else less of a person. The bible says that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. But please know: It is not worth it. Those minutes of pleasure with my boyfriend I loved so much caused and still sometimes cause hours of pain for me and for my husband. I wish these simple words could do justice to the way I feel. As I write this, I am crying and praying that even one person will read this and consider their actions in an eternal light instead of an instant one.

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