All of my life I have been active in sports. Whether it be soccer, volleyball, track, etc.; I was always balancing practice schedules with schoolwork and friends. It was hectic and at the time I complained like any other kid/teenager, but I never once undervalued a practice or didn't give my all in a game/meet. Every practice/meet/game was treated like it was my last. However, I never once imagined my life without it.
Junior year of high school came around and the time came for many high school kids to scout the colleges they would apply to in the following year. For athletes this time of the year meant analyzing and narrowing down the list for which college they desired to play at. For me this meant making a tough decision: should I give up a fantasy I have held onto since I was young, or continue my athlete lifestyle in college?
I wanted to be a successful Hollywood director ever since I watched 'The Exorcist' when I was 12. While I wasn't running or hitting, I researched different directors of whose works I've loved and my results told me that they've all devoted their lives to movies. They woke up with a camera in hand ready to make a movie and fell asleep in the middle of working. I thought if I went to college and gave up a huge part of my life that I loved and tried to mimic these people I've yearned to be like, I would one day be as successful and love my job like them.
My first semester of college as a film major was rough. And the lives of those directors were heavily glamorized. I expected a hipster artsy lifestyle, a professor that's only assignments were to make movies, classes that were free to express yourself, and people to bond with over my love for movies. But it was all unrealistic and I gained none of those experiences. Instead I received stress, disappointment, and a huge hole of loneliness within my major. This wasn't where I envisioned my life going. Not at all.
And although I still kept active while at the gym or playing a friendly game of volleyball with friends, it wasn't the same. There was no big competition and there was no need to be stronger. There was just an itch that couldn't be ignored for competition, hard workouts, and a team to call family.
Back at home and in college, I befriended many athletes and as their semester went on I found myself eyeing their college experience with envy. What they complained about on the side to me, I found myself longing for (although not 5:00 AM lift!). Long practices, training for game day, sore muscles, and coming home from practice dead and ready to retire for the night.
It was the lifestyle I grew up with (and unbeknownst to be in the past) loved. I missed the long afternoons on the track, running until you felt you had to throw up or bonding with the team over feeling death together. I missed the accomplishment of beating a PR or winning that race/game. I missed failing, but getting right back up to try your hardest to succeed. I missed devoting my life to sports and my first semester taught me that I couldn't expect everyone's experiences to be my own.
It also taught me to not give up a huge part of myself to change into someone that I am not. Since first semester I've changed my major and fell in love with my new choice of study, but it still doesn't compare to the love I felt for my sport. The love that I will always hold for my sport.
