It seems as though every time I have come home from college, I get the same question: Have you found anyone? Maybe the question is not always put this bluntly, but essentially that is what is being asked. Have I met anyone? Is there a special man in my life? Have I been steadily dating anyone? Most of the people who ask me this genuinely want the best for me, they want me to find someone who will treasure me. They want me to have romance in my life. They want this all especially for me because in a way, my years of youth, of dating and romance, were stolen from me the moment my sister was diagnosed.

Yet, there seems to me to be an underlying view of singleness that bothers me. That somehow, because I am single, I am sad, or incomplete. That life is not as satisfying because I do not have a special someone to share it with. Singleness seems to always be spoken of in reference to being in a relationship. It is never talked of as an ends to itself, rather it's seen as a state of waiting. Being single automatically means that you just have not found that person yet, and that you are looking and trying, but nothing has happened. You are waiting for another person, and until then you will be single.

I would like to argue that singleness is a state of being. Being single means that you are living life for you, that though you may not be sharing your life with anyone else, you are still living an enjoyable, adventurous, wonderful life. The difference being that all of your choices and decisions are made by you and only with you in mind. Whereas, in a relationship another person is taken into account when life choices are made, and when life events occur, they are celebrated and shared with that other person.

See, there is this assumption that being in a relationship, that having another person by your side, completes you -- makes you whole -- and that without someone else, you are only half of a whole. You're unfinished, incomplete. Logic tells us it makes sense: two halves make a whole, two incomplete people make a complete person.

But if romantic relationships truly made us complete, would they not look a lot different? Would we not be a whole lot happier? Perhaps there is comfort in close companionship, but still my single friends receive this through their friendships.

As a Christian, I believe God fulfills this need. He is what completes us. His perfection makes us whole. And even though not everyone may believe this, I think we should all take the time to acknowledge that there is something naive about the idea that another person can complete you. It just doesn't sit right for me. Sure, another person can bring joy and happiness, support and love, but will I truly be made whole through having such a relationship?

So if we are incomplete whether we are by ourselves or whether we are in a relationship, maybe it's time to redefine singleness. Singleness as a state of being. As a state of living life with one's self, as a state of living, not of searching. Where there is no pressure to find someone else to add to the picture. Where the end goal in mind is not to find a relationship along the way, but where the end goal is to enjoy life, and if along the way a special someone comes along to join in the journey, so be it.

But this frenzy of searching, of feeling somehow less because you are single, that needs to be put to rest. With Valentine's Day in sight, I believe this is especially important, as it is a day that has become completely monopolized by couples, and by this idea that a relationship makes you whole.

Valentine's Day is a day to celebrate love -- and love comes in all different forms: family, friends, yes -- boyfriends/girlfriends and husbands/wives, but also people on the street who need your act of kindness, coworkers you work with who could use some encouragement. Love is not exclusive to romantic relationships, it can be shared and shown by all. Focus on the love you have in your life, and take the time to show some love.

This Valentine's Day, let us redefine what single means. Let us remind others of this truth. That singleness is actually a state of being and not a state of waiting.