Recurrent thoughts

What if…

What if things were different?

What if our friendship never ended?

What if our relationship never ended?

How would things be today?

Would I have the life I love or live a life I hate?

Things happen for a reason or so they say, but sometimes I would like to know those reasons. Why did a “best friend” of 7 years finally decide to tell me she’s been fake to me throughout the whole friendship? Why did a “best friend” of 4-5 years decide he wanted to be more than friends promise to stay friends after things ended and then act like a stranger?

These what ifs haunt me every day. Could things have been different? Who knows. That’s right no one!

One day in the 6th grade a met a girl in the bathroom. Apparently I was doing what typical sixth graders do and I was popping pimples (maybe it was just me). We agreed to be friends and then we became best friends our freshmen year of high school. Her family took me in when I had problems with my own family and I could never thank her family enough. She moved and went off to college. I tried keeping in touch, but it felt like I was getting no where. So I snapped and she snapped. And now? Well now we aren’t friends anymore. We don’t even remotely talk.

What if we never fought?

What if we never said those things to each other?

Would we still be friends or would have the memories we had with each other diminish and fade away?

Would we meet up and catch up?

Would I have the friends I love and adore today?

Who knows…

Summer camp is where we met for the first time. You were an ass and I thought you were rude. However, for some reason something pulled me towards you. I liked you, but didn’t see a chance of us being together so I remained your friend throughout the years. I helped you get a girlfriend you would soon come to realize is the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. That ended and I was there for you. Your best friend told you some things so you came back and suddenly we were no longer friends, but in a relationship. I ended it, we promised to remain friends, you broke that promise.

What if I never wanted to be your friend?

What if we started dating sooner?

What if I never broke your heart?

Would we remain in a relationship to this day?

Would you have hated me even more if we broke up down the line?

What if you never broke your promise?

Would I be happy or question everything?

What if we were the couple everyone saw us to be?

Would things be different? Would you still have contact with your family?

Do I still love you?

Well… I still do no matter how much you’ve done me dirty.
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