Depression is a life sucker.
By that, I mean it completely drains you of life, energy and sanity. Sometimes you can't quite put your finger on why you're crying over spilled milk, over and over again. It's hard to see the surface when you're drowning in your own tears. Add in a cup of anxiety, and you have a brain that is really overworked and tired. You have deemed yourself as a crazy person ten times more than anyone really has. You hate when people worry about you because you feel like this huge burden. You're told "just stop worrying," "just try to be happy," or my favorite, "just take your medicine." The same medicine you hate to depend on because it makes you feel like you are too weak to control your own emotions. No, life isn't always bleak and grey, but you can't control when it will be. Many times it happens at the most inconvenient times. Alone has become a recipe you're way too familiar with.
Sometimes this unexpected thing happens.
Sometimes in your hunt to add a dash of normal, you find this person that brings an immense amount of joy to your life, and that's a little scary. There was only room for one person in your recipe. You do your best to not push them out by picking dumb fights and doing anything so that they don't have to put up with you. Doing things now so that it won't hurt when they decide you aren't worth it, or it's too hard. It's a hard habit to break, but there are people that will stay, there are people that will love you despite everything. They will hold you when you need to be held, and when they hold you, and life is okay for that period of time. They wipe your tears away, and you have this feeling of safety come over you. They have eyes saying they will never leave you when you need them. They kiss your forehead, and somehow you find some kind of recipe for happiness.
Keep them!
The person that holds you through breakdowns and reassures you through everything: keep them, whether it's a best friend or a significant other. You, the person who is reading this, you are worth it. You are worth that "Good morning, beautiful" text in the morning. You're worth the kindness they show. You are worth loving. You do not have to be alone. The depression and anxiety combination is a nasty thing, and it is almost impossible to survive alone. Know you don't have to be alone. You are a person. You are not insane. You are not a burden. As hard as it may seem to do, try and let yourself be loved.
To the people that are always there by our side.
You are so important! We didn't need to be saved, we needed to be loved. We need to let ourselves be loved. Please understand that we do not know when our depression or anxiety will spring its ugly head. We may push you away. We may cause a million useless fights, and you may have to tell us a million and a half times that we are beautiful and you aren't leaving, and we may need you to tell us a million and a half times more. Know that your efforts don't go unnoticed. We appreciate you more than you could ever know. We will give, too. The relationship won't be one-sided, though we may think that we can never do enough. Thank you, for being there and loving the people that didn't think that love was ever worth it until you. You are making a difference and you're one of the best parts of our life recipe.
