Even though this was one of the worst episodes of "The Bachelorette" that I have ever watched, it was also collectively the most disturbing and most heart-wrenching things I probably will ever witness.

To start off, it actually made me worry for Jojo’s safety when the most obsessive and explosive man left on the show got a one on one date. When they were in the car on their way to the date (one of the worst dates the show has ever organized), Alex was making creepy and sexual duck faces with Pringles, and proceeded to try to kiss her with them in his mouth … like, stop?

So they get to the destination of the date, and Alex is ordered to go put on gauchos. I have never seen something so terrifying in my entire life, because he looked exactly like Lord Farquad from the "Shrek" movies. He is also definitely smaller than Jojo, which is fine… actually it’s not fine at all, he should have just eliminated himself at that point.

The date consisted of Jojo and Alex watching some man touch a horse in a peculiar way, and then let these two lovebirds have a go at it. They were lying on the horse’s head, caressing it while they continued to make out (not with the horse, but they might as well have, with the way they were infringing on its peace). I am just truly wondering why they thought it was OK to viciously violate this poor horse like that. In that moment, Jojo was probably hoping that the horse would maul Alex so that this friend-zone date would come to an end.

Later in the night, it was so uncomfortable; long story short, little Alex confessed his love to Jojo (mind you this is their first real date), and her response was basically, “Well, that’s great, but no thanks.” He left that night, even though he was not supposed to because there was no rose on that date, so there goes another rule that Jojo broke, and another heart, sucks.

Then the date with Jordan, it was actually revolting. They get to this wine vineyard and think that it is perfectly OK for them to dip their unwashed feet infested with foot fungus into these barrels of freshly grown grapes. When you think it couldn’t get any grosser, it does, and they decide to drink this poorly sanitized “wine." The sick part is that they take a sip, say they enjoy it, and then guzzle it down like two estranged baboons.

Jordan and Jojo then sit down at dinner where they proceed to talk about meeting Jordan’s family. He explains how he is not close with his very famous, talented, rich, good looking, dating Olivia Munn, brother, which seems to disturb Jojo. Not because she feels bad that he does not have a good relationship with him, but the fact that she will not be able to meet the only reason that Jordan still has a chance (Aaron). Jojo should really try to hide the fact that she is a fame-seeking gold digger.

Ha ha. Sorry. Then there is the group date that is more disturbing than all the other things that I pointed out to be disturbing in this episode. First off, none of these guys are going to win since the date consisted of James Taylor shoving French fries into his mouth like an obese sumo wrestler, and then them all cuddling in the same bed; three men and one woman, modern romance.

I was genuinely rooting for James Taylor until he started telling Jojo lies about Robby like he an incompetent squirrel. It was one of the worst group dates I have ever seen, and I think the show is losing money just seeing how they couldn’t even afford to do another activity inside other than having three men sit in a line while giving each other weird back massages.

I’m not going to even discuss Luke’s one-on-one date because it was just so stupid and he has the personality of a paralyzed lizard. But he’s nice, I guess. Oh, and the date was cut short, probably because Jojo was so bored of hearing his monotone voice talk about how he has no idea what he is doing in his life. He’s cute, though. Not even sure what else I can say about him.

There was actually no point in finishing the episode and watching the rose ceremony because it is disgustingly obvious that James Taylor is going home, since he is the only guy who doesn't have a six-pack and some sort of real job. To everyone’s prediction, he get’s sent home, and Jojo fake cries on a bench until James’s car leaves, and then she walks inside while most likely devouring a flask that was hidden under her dress.