Right before I left for college, I decided that it was time to leave my then-boyfriend of two years. Now, when I say I did it right before I left, I literally mean right before. Five days before, to be exact.
When I got to college, I discovered that boys thought I was pretty; some were bold enough to say beautiful. Back in high school, I never got this amount of attention, let alone this type. Since I wasn't used to this, I had no idea how to handle the situations I was in. Fresh out of a relationship, I was free and optimistic, open to any and all new possibilities that college and the dating world had in store for me. I was so used to having someone always with me that I didn't have enough time to breathe and be by myself. In fact, I don't think I even wanted to be by myself.
The first guy that I had a really big crush on (and who reciprocated those feelings for me) asked me how long it had been since I was out of my relationship. A week, I said. He said that maybe it would be best if we waited until later on to hang out, but I didn't care. He was the first guy who showed he was truly interested in me. We had the same likes and dislikes, the same beliefs and morals. I didn't want any time away from him because I just wanted to be with him. Everything happens for a reason though; God thought it would be best if we didn't end up together. After that, I had to relearn a lot of things: how to love myself again, how to be OK with being by myself, and realize that being on my own was going to make me a strong person. I embraced my inner Eponine (if you haven't read that article yet, click here).
Besides relationships, the one thing that comes to mind when I hear the word "rebound" is basketball. According to thefreedictionary.com, the definition of rebound in basketball is "to retrieve and gain possession of the ball as it bounces off the backboard or rim after an unsuccessful shot."
An unsuccessful shot. Kind of like how we give someone a shot in a relationship: sometimes you score a point, and sometimes you completely miss. However, we as humans don't want to fail; we want to make that shot so badly so we can be happy with ourselves. As a result, we quickly go for the rebound so we can catch it and try again. We think we are going to make the shot the next time around, but sometimes we just aren't in the right spot to do so. Yet time after time we always go for the rebound whenever we miss, and it just becomes exhausting. We begin to rely on shooting baskets for happiness because we aren't happy with ourselves. So we have to learn how to stop going for the rebound, let things be, and be fine with it, even though we want to go for it so badly. Once you begin to love yourself and realize what you deserve instead of falling for the first person you meet once out of a relationship, everything begins to fall into place. Sometimes we have to learn to just let the ball drop to the ground, and it's OK if we do.
So, whether or not you're fresh out of a relationship, or it's been a few months (or even years) since your last one, or maybe you've never been in a relationship before, the one thing I ask of you is to spend enough time with yourself and find all the things you like about yourself. Take yourself out on little dates (as cheesy as that sounds). Work out or do whatever makes you feel good. Remember, you need to love yourself before you can love anybody else.
To that guy from the beginning of the year: I've been thinking about this for a few weeks now, and in retrospect, you saying you didn't want anything right then and there was probably one of the best things you said. I guess you can say that I'm writing this for closure. Sure, things ended up much differently than we thought it would. I'm sorry about making you the unofficial rebound. You seem to be very happy with your girlfriend, and I would much rather have you be happy with someone else than be miserable with me. I'm glad things ended up the way they did.
