Alright ladies, we all know that guy. The one who we weren't supposed to fall for, but guess what we did. The one who, when we first wanted to talk about our feelings, blew off the conversation. The one who called us out and said "well I feel like you want to talk about feelings or something". The one who, when he would finally have the conversation with us told us, "Well I'm just not in a place to commit right now". YEP. We all know this man. And no matter how hard we work for him or how hard we try to please him, his mind doesn't change. But yet we stay and let ourselves be miserable. Why? Who knows why 'cause let's face it; these men are the worst. We have plenty of reason we can't seem to let him go but 8 reasons we truly have trouble leaving…
1. We think we are "the one" who will change his mind
This is the one I am most guilty of. We spend hours upon hours and days upon days trying to please this man. We think if we can do what this man wants when this man wants it he will suddenly realize how great we are. Reality check girls, this is not true. I spent 5 months with the stigma that he would change his mind if I just stayed and did whatever pleased him emotionally, mentally, and sexually. Its 5 months later and nothing has changed.
2. We can't imagine a better man because we aren't letting our minds think there could be something better
If you are like me you either have trouble committing or you don't settle for anything less than you think you deserve. So when the one man who has changed our total outlook on relationships and about meaningful sex decides he doesn't want to commit we are confused. This man was able to get me to want meaningful sex and want a relationship, which most men do not accomplish with me. And now the man who did this doesn't want to commit? We can't picture a better man because he has changed our outlook on everything so he has to be "The One". Truth is, there is better out there we just have to remind ourselves of that.
3. We romanticize this man
Instead of looking at the bad and the evil that this man has done to our lives. We look at the good and the better. We daydream in our heads that this man will show up at our doorstep with our favorite flowers and a box of chocolates. We daydream that he will take us out on our dream date and love doing it, no complaints. We think of the good times we have together, the laughing, the great conversations, the great sex, all the things we have in common with this man. It holds us back from the truth: no matter how good it is or how good it, key words, could be he just won't make the commitment that WE DESERVE.
4. Society tells us we shouldn't be on our own
Now we live in a society that tells us we should all be strong, independent women. "We don't need no man!" We deserve rights and we live in a society where there is a strong woman culture now. But when you pick apart the everyday things you see you realize society is still telling you to be with someone. Articles talking about the signs that you've found the one, people giving you advice on how to get a banging booty your man will love, Hallmark Christmas movies and rom-coms and all other cheesy movies where the girl and the guy always end up happily together. The fairytales may be fun to believe in but sometimes that's not just how life works.
5. Everyone in his friend group is in a relationship… or the exact opposite
This one is the killer. When our man has friends who are all in loving relationships we think "He's got great examples right in front of him so why won't he follow along with his friends". Fact of the matter being his mind is made up and no amount of friend relationships is going to change that.
Then there's the opposite, none of his friends are in relationships. This does not necessarily mean a red flag. It becomes a red flag when he says he "just can't commit right now". This is his way of saying I love the sex and you're great but I am going to keep partying like a frat bro with my boys.
6. We pity them if they are going through a tough time
Another very relatable one for me. My man seems mentally confused with what he wants not just with me but also in life. This goes along with number 1 because we think if we can treat him like the sad little puppy dog he is and we help him make life decisions, he will want us. We want to be there for him every second that he's questioning his friends, his job, and even what he is doing with his life but in reality he is venting to us and still not giving us what we want. He is reaping the benefits of a relationship without actually calling it a relationship. He is using you to complain to but will he still choose you first over his friends who he constantly complains about, nope!
7. For the girls who follow zodiacs "we are just the perfect fit according to our signs"
Guilty, guilty, guilty. I am a big believer in compatibility with the signs. Now there is some truth to this. I can tell the signs I get along with more and those who I cannot stand and would never be able to have a workable relationship with. BUT I do put a little too much pressure on this one. I think well this guy has to be "the one" because the signs are telling me he is. No, just no. I need to stop doing this and so do you if you follow zodiac. It's not meant to be just because the stars say it is. The stars will forgive you if they knew how this man was treating you.
8. And last but not least, its just so hard to imagine ourselves alone
This one hits hard for every girl out there no matter what the circumstances are. The holidays alone are hard, family parties when all your family members have someone is hard, being around all your friends and their significant others is hard, just not having someone is HARD. It makes us want someone more than we thought. Maybe once we were okay with being alone and living that single life (I sure as hell used to be that way) but now that we've gotten a taste of what it's like to have someone…it's just so hard to think of ourselves alone again.
Reality of it all is that we are letting ourselves slip away to a man who will never treat us the way we deserve. It is better to let him go for good and show him what he is really missing. If a man is willing to let you go no questions asked, he is not the one. I once read a quote that stated, "A person who values you wouldn't ever put themselves in a position to lose you". This man is definitely putting you in a position to lose you.