Props to all the single ladies, girl power #5ever. But let’s face it, you’re not single because there’s a lack of men in the world. You’re not single because the good guys have been taken. Just like anything else, you can’t attribute your situation to one simple reason. Being single is amazing, it’s full of life-giving independence and the freedom to see the world or spend your weekends with Netflix. Single is in no way bad. Though newsflash: if you’re blaming men as the reason for why you’re single, you’re literally the reason you’re single. It’s time for you to realize that maybe the reason you aren’t in a relationship isn’t someone else’s fault but your own. You aren’t ready for a boyfriend, and you don’t need to be in order to be happy, so it’s time you face the music. Here are 10 reasons why you personally may not need a boyfriend at this stage in your life:
1. You’re too picky.
There is no such thing as a perfect person. Even Prince Charming had flaws (he couldn’t even remember Cinderella’s face, like what?) It’s fine to have a list of deal-breakers for your future boo, like “I don’t want a guy who swears,” or “I don’t want a guy who hates dogs,” but if your list is three pages long? Make some cuts.
2. You don’t want to change.
If you want something different, you have to do something different. Simple as that. You can’t expect to fall in love and stay the same.
3. You’re too invested in “The Dream Guy.”
Nora Ephron lied to you. Nicholas Sparks is a sham. Real life isn’t like the dramatic, take-your-breath-away romantic movies. Life is messy, imperfect, chaotic, and unpredictable. If you’re dating a guy and comparing him to this perfect mental image, then every man on Earth will fall short.
4. You don’t know what you want.
Do you want a boyfriend? Do you just want to casually date around? Are you looking for husband material or do you just wanna have fun? Men aren’t mind readers, and you need to choose your own direction before putting yourself out there.
5. You don’t want to do the work.
Heads up ladies, you need to text first. Why would you complain about texting first as long as he texts you back? If you want him to write you love letters, then you need to write a love letter. If you want him to get in better shape, then suggest going to the gym with him. If you want to try something new on a date, take the initiative and plan one! The idea that men are responsible for every aspect of a relationship is sexist and ignorant.
6. You don’t want to hold yourself to the expectations you set for men.
You want a man with a 6-pack but you don’t want to do a push-up. You want a want a guy with perfect skin when you have the luxury of being able to wear makeup every day. How would you feel if you expressed interest in a man and he told you that he doesn’t like you because of your hair? Many of us women have had this happen, and it hurts. So why would you do the same thing to someone else?
7. You think that feminism is only for yourself.
While feminism is a feminine concept by name, the definition of feminism is “the belief that men AND women should have equal rights and opportunities.” It isn’t a one-way street. Feminism concerns itself with the lack of equal opportunities for men as well. Yes, women should be able to enjoy masculine hobbies without judgement. But what about when the guy who has a crush on you is really into fashion? Would you turn him down because he isn’t “man enough”? Feminism is not a privilege girls earn so they can play with the boys. Feminism is the concept that men and women are able to equally pursue the lifestyles they desire.
8. You’re comparing your love life (or lack thereof) to the others around you.
If you even remotely think that this is true about yourself, stop now. Theodore Roosevelt once said “Comparison is the thief of joy.” You can never be happy with who you’re with if you spend all that time looking towards someone else.
9. You don’t have the right priorities.
If finding a man and being with him for the rest of your life is the #1 priority in your life, then your internal compass is off. There are things more important than a romantic relationship; like your health, spirituality, family, friends, and career. Making a man your only focus in life will not only set you up for failure but the pressure alone can wreck that guy in more ways than one.
10. You want to depend on someone else for your happiness.
Ladies, you’re beautiful. You deserve to know it and own it. But you were not created incomplete. You do not need another person to be considered whole. Try something new, make yourself laugh, buy yourself a gift just because you want to, go see a movie by yourself and find joy in not having to share the popcorn. Make yourself happy, and when you know how to make yourself happy then maybe just maybe you’ll be ready to share that happiness with someone special.
Girls of the world, this is not meant to be an attack. Let this be a wake-up call or a fresh perspective. Let this empower you to look in the mirror and refocus your life. You deserve the best, and if you want the best in someone else, then they deserve the best in you.
