“Relationships don’t define you.” These words ring in my head daily due to the fact that I see cute couple photos posted on Instagram and two people holding hands walking around campus. I live by that quote when it comes to relationships and sometimes it’s tough. I am single and seeing these extremely happy and in love couples prance around holding hands in the autumn air makes me want to throw water balloons full of reality right in their faces. Okay okay, so that may have been a bit harsh, but you get my point. I know it sounds like I’m bitter and I'm hounding on those people in great relationships, but all I want to do is give a perspective of someone from the outside looking in. Coming from someone who has had 2 serious relationships in her life over the course of 6 years, I like to claim that my relationship advice is pure gold.

To get this in the clear, I am not against relationships at all. All I am saying is I don’t need a boyfriend to define me. I am in my prime right now or at least that’s how I think of it. I am just now starting to figure out who really I am, so thinking about having to worry about someone else almost more than I would worry about my own self is kind of terrifying. A majority of the time I want to focus on me, myself, and I and in my opinion that isn't selfish at all. It lets me figure out who I want to be! Now, I can't lie, I love the idea of having someone there when you need them and having someone to roll over to in the middle of the night just to snuggle with. I can’t hate on the people who have that significant other at their beck and call because I usually crave to have someone at mine, but when I finally come back from fantasy land and stop obsessing over the perfect boyfriend, I see the reality of it all.

Here’s my point: no one needs a significant other to feel important. No one should have to have a boyfriend/girlfriend to feel loved. I learned the hard way that if you want to feel happy and loved and important you have to begin with yourself first. You can’t put those feelings into someone else and expect them to reciprocate the same feelings, too. When you wake up in the morning you have to expect more out of yourself than out of other people. You have the power to love yourself and to create an environment where it’s happy for you, and that is all that matters.

I believe that when it’s supposed to happen, it will happen. After my 2 long term relationships over the course of 6 years, I learned what I did want and what I didn’t want in a man. It’s important to understand what you want and it’s honestly perfectly fine to be picky about what you want. You should never have to lower your standards JUST to acquire or even keep a relationship. You be YOU and make the best of life with what you’re given. If you stumble upon your prince charming when you’re getting a latte at your local coffee shop and you think to yourself, “I don’t think I want a relationship right now”, then by all means, don’t get into a new relationship. Don’t think that you won’t ever find another guy that looks at you like that one did because you will. Get comfortable with being alone. That might sound a bit scary, but knowing that you can stand on your own by yourself is the true test of how strong you are. Knowing it will happen when it’s supposed to happen is the key to everything, so don’t rush it.

Buy that dress because you like it and it looks good on you. Go hiking with all your girlfriends. Work hard and get that job you’ve been dreaming about. Then, when the time is right, you’ll let someone in your life who doesn’t define you but compliments you for who you are in the relationship.

So as I wrap this up, don’t rush and don’t settle. Figure out your life and who you want to be 10, 15, 20 years from now and picture how you see your life. The most important part is seeing that you’re happy whether that means you’re happily single and living in LA working for a big shot company, or you’re happily married with 3 kids and you live in a suburb in Indiana. See how I used happily in both of those scenarios? That’s the key. Be happy and never, I mean never, let any relationship define you or your life! You do you, and remember to slay.

XOXO