I’ve never had a boyfriend. Not in high school, not in college. It’s not because I’m ugly, mean, gay, or uninteresting; I simply do not want one. Now, I’m not writing this article to praise myself or declare that being alone will solve all of your problems. I’m simply writing from my experience as a perpetually single young person.
Recently, one of my good male friends asked me why I have chosen this “lifestyle.” It’s not that I choose to remain single, it’s that the idea of a romantic relationship is not a priority for me. This friend went on to explain that he felt more comfortable around women involved in relationships because then he knows they aren’t “crazy.”
Excuse me. No.
My mental capabilities are not determined by my relationship status. I will not be intimidated into romance in fear of being thought of as “crazy.”
In high school I was surrounded by couples who had been together for years. You would never hear one of their names without the other. Nothing separated them but the word “and.” That idea of being solely thought of as part of someone else was terrifying to me. I am a songwriter, and entrepreneur, a bright young mind full of ambition making a name for herself. My name does not need to be preceded by a conjunction. My friends accuse me of being afraid of commitment. Sure, that might be part of it, but I also want to establish my name before I commit myself to another person.
Part of me regrets living my teenage years without that sweet young love. It’s so often romanticized: the innocent first love cultivated within the secure bubble of high school. Looking back, the boys I was interested in would have been detrimental to my delicate adolescence. I’ve often played out these storylines out in my head. Me, an impressionable, naïve 16-year-old girl and the piano-playing exchange student as the leading characters in a John Hughes movie. The “tortured soul” artist? What about the typical, all-American jock? What would I be left with had I continued those relationships in my formative years? By not pursuing these flings, I was unknowingly protecting myself from unnecessary heartbreak, and pressure to become someone I was not.
Overall, I don’t regret not having that first love. My independence encouraged me to experience things on my own. I discovered my love for songwriting, formed my own political opinions, and figured out how people work by dating on my own terms. Maybe it’s selfish, but I think being independent in those fragile teenage years made me into the person I am today.
Once in a while, someone will come along and make me think that maybe, just maybe, they will fit into my life and honor my priorities. This never lasts long because relationships take work and time. Now, I am young. I am highly focused on my future, doing everything I can to take on this spectacular world. A boyfriend can wait.
