We're halfway through the way and with that said it's almost that time for another new year. That's right another year filled with goals, ambitions, and a time to set forward for what you want the future to look like. I remember counting down to when the ball dropped on 2018. I had so many goals in mind for what I wanted for the New Year. Turns out that I only achieved half of the list that I had made. Things didn't exactly turn out the way that I thought they would. In other words like my favorite, you tuber Kingsley says 'It was a damn MESS!' Things were out of place, I felt out of place especially since I had lost and gained so many things. After completing my degree I finally got the big girl job I was asking for. Sounds good right? Not exactly the way I thought it would. After job searching for months I was happy to have found something that was going to put me in a good position career-wise. Turns out that the rules that applied for the classes I was taking made absolutely no sense. Under no circumstance could I skip any of them or I would be terminated. On top of that, I had no not only miss one out of my two graduations but I was also tested after each lesson. If you were unsuccessful on more than three assessments you could no longer continue the classes and your training would be incomplete.
At first, I was embarrassed because I was finally ready to have my first big girl position. The fact that it was turned down because there were parts of the class that was hard to understand was one of the biggest disappointments I've had to deal with. So many thoughts were going through my head. One of them was 'I sacrificed missing one of my graduations JUST to be kicked out of this class?!' I was feeling hurt, sad, and most of all angry. But that's how I felt that following summer…anger. Angry for multiple reasons. I was angry at myself because I thought that I had failed at something that I could have passed. I felt embarrassed because while everyone in the class knew what they were doing, I felt that I was the only one who was lost. Also embarrassed because I told some of my closest friends and they said that it sucked that I had to miss my department ceremony. At the end of the day, a lesson was learned and it was that sometimes you have to make sacrifices for certain things even though you don't want to. It also wasn't the best summer due to the amount of friends I lost, not seeing my sister, and feeling hopeless due to how insecure I was feeling about my own self. At one point I was saying 'What's The Point?' to myself due to seeing how others were enjoying and getting to where they needed to be in life and I was stuck. Stuck where I didn't need to be. I cried myself to sleep one night due to finding out terrible news that I still refuse to speak about. However, I prayed my hardest that things were going to start moving in the right direction. I stopped focusing on how much fun everyone else seemed that they were having. I also took time to reflect on myself as both a woman and a young adult. It helped. Fast forward I can certainly say that I definitely learned many things that I will certainly take with me to 2019. Those things mean that I will continue to strive for where I want to go. Also by going by the saying 'Don't worry about those that don't worry about you'. There's a reason for that. The more you worry about people who might have hurt you in the past is the longer it takes you to forget about it. Trust me. There's nothing worse than holding anger towards someone. I could only hope that 2019 brings laughs, memories, and more goals that can be achieved as long as I continue to stay focused, inspired, and happy. Especially the last one. Finding TRUE real happiness again is something that I hope to have come back into my life next year. With all that said, I'm ready for another new year.
