It was March of 2009 that I was told the worst news a girl could be told. With only being 11 years old, I wasn't quite sure how to take all that in. Who knew that just a little mole could turn into something so devastating and horrific. It took awhile for it to really sink in and never in a million years thought that my Stepdad would be diagnosed with Stage 4 Esophageal Cancer. It was all so surreal and I didn't want any of it to be true. Soon after the diagnosis, came chemo and medications and more chemo and more medications. I wasn't really there for most of it because I lived with my real Dad and I was in school at the time, but more than anything I wish that I was. For awhile he seemed healthy and that's when things took a turn for the worse a couple years later in August of 2011. He began to lose hair, along with his color and soon enough he started to look like someone I didn't recognize. The chemo finally started to catch up to him, making him weaker as the days passed on. He wasn't able to do much besides get up and use the bathroom, and even then he was still very weak. March of 2012 was when he started to get really bad and at this point, he couldn't do anything by himself. Thank goodness for my Mom, as she was by his side every step of the way taking care of him, getting him to his appointments, and making sure he got the medications that he needed. Once it got towards the end of the month, we knew his time was coming.

When I first walked into the room to see him, I immediately walked out and began to cry. No person should have to see someone they love and adore so much going through so much pain. He barely knew who anyone was, which was really hard on the entire family, especially me. In his last few moments, I said my goodbyes, knowing that it wasn't really forever, just a see you later. He passed away, listening to his favorite song by Elvis Presley "Suspicious Minds." A part of me was glad that he finally let go to be in a better place, but the other part of me was broken. I had never lost someone so important to me, and this was the first time I had ever experienced so much pain and hurt.

Here I am, almost five years later, telling my story. It still hurts to this day knowing that he won't be able to witness my big accomplishments, but I know that he's watching a far and that's good enough for me. I miss him a lot, some days more than others but I talk to him and I know that may sound weird, but I know he's listening. I'm so thankful for the part that he played in my life, all the lessons he taught me, and all the memories that we shared together. His love for his kids was never-ending, even though I wasn't biologically his, he made me feel like I was. I think that's what is so special about him and why his loss hurt so much. The truth is, I wasn't ready to say goodbye to him that day and honestly, I don't think we are ever ready to tell a loved one goodbye.