Depression is a touchy topic. It isn't just one thing. However people still tend to have a generalized viewpoint about depression, and don't feel the need to look more into what actually occurs. It comes in various forms and degrees and one thing that many people don't understand is that sometimes nothing triggers it. People seem to think that it's a very specific checklist of why and how you develop depression. You must have lost a love one, or suffer from PTSD to suddenly wake up and not want to get out of bed. And not the usual "my bed is just so comfortable I don't feel like moving." It's much much more than that. You want to go out with your friends because you don't want them to get mad. But then you're consumed with your thoughts and you can't physically get out of bed.
You didn't recently lose a loved one. Nor did you go off to war; even though your mind seems like it's own personal war zone. So how could you possibly struggle with depression? Your head is clouded with all the things you think you've done wrong, or could've done better, or could've avoided. You believe that alcohol is the answer. You lie awake, thinking of how pathetic you are. You think of all the self-loathing things that you could possibly think of. How much you hate your body. Your mind. Your heart. Everything. Some days it just seems too much and other days you can do it. Every day feels like your going through life numb. Like you live life by just going through the motions. You're not actually living, just surviving.
You think that you're not capable to be loved or feel love. You're thinking that you'll never be happy. That's the one destination that you will never arrive at. But happiness isn't a life stage. It comes and goes for everyone. It's not constant. Happiness is the ocean. It has its high and low tides and sometimes washes ashore debris from a previous life.
So when you think of all the times that you weren't happy, remember that it's not always going to be happy.
The past can be a terrible yet wonderful thing. It makes you who you are, it shapes and forms you into the person you are today. Which can be both a very good thing or something that makes you closed off. You can become untrustworthy, and put up walls. Or you could keep reliving the past and never move forward. Oftentimes the past is what causes depression. And it's hard to fix. It's not simple.
No one knows exactly what to say or do when someone is struggling with depression. But the main thing you must do is find a friend who will listen. Who will be there always.
I know you're scared, and hurt, and feel lonely
But you're never truly alone
Reach out and talk to someone
Reach out and talk to me
I'm always here.
