I'm not sure about everyone else, but I tend to find myself constantly curled up in a ball during the winter months. Now, I know a lot of people will call me dramatic, but the winter seems like a breeding season for all of the germs in the world to somehow enter my body. All I can compare this to is a sort of crowded, sweaty frat party that I force myself to "pop my head into," and the second I get there, I immediately feel claustrophobic and oddly out of breath. This image right here is how my immune system feels starting in the month of December and continuing through the month of March. Basically, it's a bad time. But, whenever I am sick (which seems to be every other week), I have a pretty predictable reactionary process that I almost always go through.
1. Deny Deny Deny
I'm not sick. The room is just stuffy and my throat only hurts a little. It's totally normal to have blood coming out of your ears, right? That's definitely not weird.
2. Lie in bed and do nothing (groaning optional)
Usually, this is when the delirium kicks in and you have no idea what exactly is going on but it's a nice opportunity to do what you do best... watch some HBO GO and take a nap.
3. Call the parents
Now these are the people who know you best. But honestly, most of these phone calls are met with accusations and diagnoses of hypochondria.
4. Time for WebMD
This is when reality hits and it's time to stop lying to yourself, by freaking yourself out instead. Nausea and a headache could mean... a flesh-eating parasite.
5. Ask random passersby to feel your forehead
Time to let the world know that you feel too ill to find a thermometer or go see a doctor. This is how you know things have gotten bad.
6. What even is the doctor?
At this point, you just kind of assume that everything will clear up on its own in a few days or so. This works until it doesn't. Then, three weeks into this plan, you learn that this method has not proved successful.
7. Hey there Doc!
Time to venture out and see that professional who you pretend doesn't exist. The fine MD gives you a quick peek, writes up a prescription... bam you feel better in five to 12 days later. A true Christmas miracle.
8. Begin round two
After clearing this issue up, you probably have a good week in you before you get sick again and begin this cycle all over.
