Dear You,
I am a statistic, I wasn’t before. But you made me one. Did you know that every 98 seconds an American is sexually assaulted or that 1 in 5 women are a victim of sexual assault? Did you also know that younger women are at a higher risk of sexual assault as well? 82% of all juvenile victims are females and 90% of adult rapes are females.
Women ages between 18-24 who are in college are 3 times more likely than women in general to receive sexual violence. And women of the same age who are not enrolled in college are 4 times more likely to receive sexual violence.
I was one of them.
It wasn’t until the second day when I was getting ready for work and I broke down crying to my dad and told him what happened. I said I wanted to go to work still, but once I got to work, every male customer and their smell reminded me of you. I couldn’t take it, I had a panic attack and called my dad and told my boss.
Do you know how tough it is to see your dad cry and tell you everything is going to be alright? Do you know how hard it was to walk into the ER and tell them what happened and to go through the procedure and have to retell the story? You caused a lot of pain, I had to go to counseling because of all of this.
You took something away from me that meant something. I shouldn’t have to tell anyone that my first time was being raped. I admit, I did blame myself for a while and felt like I was dirty and useless. I got really depressed, didn’t want to eat, and want to self-harm even though I never did. But my counselor would reassure me that all of that is normal signs of trauma.
Now every time I get asked out on a date, I get very cautious and I don’t hang out at their place. I have expectations. I’d rather go out in public. And sometimes I worry if I do tell a guy I’m dating the story of what happened to me, I get scared he’s going to get disgusted with me. So you did ruin me, in that way.
Everybody has a different reaction to sexual assault. I ended getting a new job because of the stress and seeing everybody at work was too much for me. I started to apply to college and got into college. But every once in a while, I still do get flashbacks. I still can’t stand when anybody rubs or squeezes my shoulders.
I used to love going for walks by myself, but now I’m afraid to do that all because of you. But thankfully, my family and friends are here to help me overcome those fears.
I’m tired of being a statistic.
Everything needs to change. Instead of teaching girls how to raped by showing them not what to wear or how to act, why do we teach men not to rape? Every one of us came out of some women. So, where in your right mind do you think it's okay to rape other women?
What if it was your mom or sister that this happened to? How would you feel? I’m pretty sure you’d be furious about the whole situation.
One last thing, I want you to know is that you did not break me.
I am stronger than I was ever before. I know that I am worth it and it was not my fault. And if a guy doesn’t want to date me because I was raped, then he is not worth it. Yes, I was raped. But that doesn’t mean that I’m dirty and don’t have feelings. I am worthy of love. And one day, you will get what you deserve.
